Aligning with Grace

The Fog and the Malas

2012-01-27T14:28:00.001-08:00

I had a free morning today, for the first time in a while. So I slept in, and after a hard rain went down to the river before delving into my designated activities...

The morning began with some fog, but by the time I arrived at the river, the sun had started to shine and the fog had partially lifted. It almost seemed like it was hovering - somehow hanging on over the river - in suspended animation. Earlier this week, I went down for a quick peak of the river on a day that the fog was much more dense, and at that time the sky was virtually indistinguishable from the river. I love those moments when you cannot tell where one begins and the other ends. It reminds me of Infinity. Of the Divine. of Unity...

Observing the fog this morning reminded me of a teaching in yoga philosophy called the "malas." The malas are impurities that occlude our ability to see. Some of my yoga teachers have in the past used the analogy of dust on the mirror to explain them. We want to clear the dust off through our practices, in order to reveal our true essence.

There are three types of malas or impurities. Anava-mala impedes us from seeing our true nature, and so we have this tendency to perceive ourselves as incomplete. Mayiya-mala occludes our ability to see unity, and instead, we dwell in separation. Karma-mala refers to the bondage which results from our actions and the activity of the first two malas. So, to neutralize this last one, we must be able to recognize the Divine within us, but we must also be able to recognize the Divine in everyone else as well. Only then do we truly see and experience unity.

Of course, this is a very simplified explanation of very sophisticated teachings. But today, I realized, the river was speaking to me once again...

In the last couple of weeks - and most especially the last few days - I have examined my life, my teaching, my purpose, and my fundamental beliefs very carefully, as we begin this year of 2012. I have considered what my place in this world is - what my strengths are - and what they are not. Some of it was not easy to accept. For example, physically - I've had to accept the reality of where my asana practice and body are, and how it impacts on my teaching. On the other hand, the quieter practices have enriched my life very deeply, and these I can more adequately share.

I also examined how I want to spend my time and with whom. One of the things I decided to do, was to set aside regular time for the study of a diversity of subjects. And so, as a former theologian, I decided to go back and study things I wasn't able to do in graduate school, and also review recent scholarship in former areas of expertise. This week, I studied some of the Gnostic Christian texts and Tantra - and found myself looking at each subject through the lens of the other. It was actually quite fascinating to make connections which opened the doors to other explorations.

I also had the blessing and the privilege to openly engage in very vibrant and deep discussions with members of my yoga community about several very pertinent issues which enabled all of us to see a number of things with greater clarity. The very process of our discussions was addressing the malas on many different levels. I was in awe of the amazing insights and wisdom that were shared, and I was proud of my friends and colleagues and my community. I felt the bond between all of us - I felt the Unity.

And this morning at the river, as the fog was lifting, I realized it was a metaphor for the work I had recently done in my own life and the work being done collectively within my community. Attention was drawn - in both situations - to where the work was needed.

This morning, as I drove back home, after doing a Lovingkindness meditation, I had no doubt where I belonged. I had no doubt of who I was - and what I needed to do. I felt supported. And I felt blessed. All that remained, was to go out and share that!

Be Silent. And Open to Grace.

2012-01-19T09:23:00.000-08:00

"Love said to me,
There is nothing
that is not me.
Be silent."
~ Rumi

I read this quote a few days ago, and it was perfect in every way. It defined my weeks, and defined my days, so far this crucial year of 2012. And, it even showed up in my theme during my first week back to teaching yoga.

Since the holiday season ended, I have had the wonderful and delicious opportunity to make a slow re-entry back into daily activity, and I am grateful for the many wonderful opportunities to slow down. To be still. To enjoy solitude. And to be silent...

There have been cold days when I visited a wind-swept river or walked among barren trees in prayer. And even once, on that rare day, when snow flurries came down as well. There have been many moments of reflection. Punctuated by goal setting. Days of assessments made - with one day flowing seamlessly into the next.

I began my first week of classes by working the First Principle of Anusara Yoga - "Opening to Grace," as I usually do. The challenge, of course, is always to remain fresh while doing this.

Recently, I was talking to a friend and colleague of mine, about what our theme for the session was going to be. Usually, we have a very lively and insightful conversations. It seemed we were both leaning to having a whole session dedicated to opening to grace. As my friend noted, she had been very impressed with something that Ross Rayburn, an Anusara certified teacher had said to us, when he visited Willow Street Yoga Center, last year. He said, that his greatest openings in a practice came, when he opened to grace...

And so, I told my students during the first week, that when we open to grace, we soften and listen. And conversely, when we soften and listen, we are opening to grace. This opens the door to everything. It opens the door to transformation. Listening, is key.

Mother Teresa of Calcutta said the following, in an interview for a documentary that I watched in the early 80's:

"God speaks
in the silence of the heart,
and we listen."

Yes, we listen. But it is always our choice to do so. And to respond as well...

Everything in our lives comes bringing a message - every person, every encounter, and every experience...

And so, in several weeks filled with animal dreams, or roosters and deers crossing the road in front of me, I was invited to listen to their messages in my life...

So I said to my students:

"Open to grace and listen -
and if you deeply listen -
you will open the door to grace."

What do you need to hear? What do you need to know? What do you need to learn in this coming year? What do you need to embody?

"God speaks in the silence of the heart. And we listen."

Or not. Intuition comes in silence. And stillness. If you open to something bigger than yourself and soften - you surrender to it. It is no accident that one of the greatest prayers in Christianity, is referred to simply, as the Prayer of Surrender. So many saints and mystics have prayed variations of this prayer throughout the centuries. Being a product of Jesuit education, one of my favorites is the Prayer of St. Ignatius, here paraphrased:

"Take Lord and receive,
all I have and possess.
You have given all to me,
and now I return it."

Be silent. Listen. And Open to Grace. And you will open the door to Miracles!

What I Learned from Roosters and Earthworms

2012-01-08T08:33:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was one of those days that seemed beautiful beyond description. Here we were - the very beginning of January - and the weather was exquisite. The sky was blue, and the temperature - well - shall we say - it was delicious!

On my way to teach a meditation introduction class at Willow Street Yoga, in Maryland, my heart was brimming with so much joy and well-being. I felt as fully present to each moment as I could possibly be, taking in every detail of my surroundingsl. I felt one with the trees in downtown Silver Spring - with every twig, and each and every color that I perceived looked so brilliant and radiant.

After a wonderful class, attended by some lovely people, I drove home, ambling up the bucolic Georgetown Pike, taking in the broad expanses of rolling hills and the beautiful landscape, in addition to the occasional horse here and there. All of a sudden, traffic came to a virtual stop on this two lane road. And as I looked ahead, I saw three roosters crossing back and forth on the road. One of them kept coming back, oblivious to the fact that traffic had stopped dead in its tracks. In any event, it put a broad smile on my face!

Then last night, I dreamed of worms all over the place - not a lot of them - just a few - but they were on my bed, and that definitely grossed me out.

A friend suggested today, that the roosters were a powerful totem. It occurred to me, that perhaps the worms were as well. Maybe they were both delivering messages to me. So, I took the time to look up what they signify:

Rooster

"A Rooster brings enthusiasm and humor and a sense of optimism.

The Rooster is a totem of great power and mystery with ties to the ancient past and clues to your own hidden powers. It is the enemy of evil spirits and can bound them with the light of day.

Earthworm

When Earthworm appears, it is a time to work over all we have experiencing, a time to examine and digest what has occurred in our life. then we can cast off what is not beneficiary or necessary - clean house emotionally. This allows new growth.

Earthworm reminds us that no matter how small our efforts seem, we are reshaping the earth around us. The past influences the present and the future. Unless we recognize and acknowledge the past, we can repeat the same mistakes...

Earthworm reminds us that no matter how difficult thing might have been, new growth and new hope await us.

Earthworm teaches grown, regeneration, healing and reflection. He shows us to ground our spiritual and emotional sides to emerge transformed and renewed..."

Everything in your life comes bearing a message of some sort, if we have the eyes to see, and the ears to hear - every encounter, every experience, everything! Today - and everyday - give intent to listen a little deeper. It is part of my yoga theme for this coming week!

New Year's Musings at the River

2012-01-05T07:39:00.000-08:00

When I woke up this morning, I headed straight for my meditation space to celebrate the birthday of Paramahansa Yogananda, whose writings have enriched my life and nourished my soul for decades.

It is said, that the energy on the birthday of a guru, spiritual teacher, or saint, is strong - and that the prayers we offer and the intentions we set on this day - are very powerful indeed. I have felt that in the past, and I felt it again this morning during my meditation and subsequent prayer.

Without disturbing the deep sense cultivated during that hour, I headed down to the river with a cup of coffee in tow. I had not visited my beloved river for a while, and when I arrived, no one else was there.

The riverbanks were frozen at the edges, but I could side step those thin areas quite gingerly so that I could survey the broad expanse of the river. It was wide. But not as wide as the heart of God, or the Love of God, I imagined...

Eventually, I walked up to the the high point, and from my perch I marveled that the river was not only as calm as I had seen it, but there was a clarity to the water that enabled me to see into its depths for about a third of the way across. I could see every boulder, rock, remains of a trunk and the occasional twig, here and there. I thought that if I stood there long enough, I might see a bass merrily swimming along, or watch a blue heron fly by me. But, that was not to be.

Instead, I was taken by the clarity and depth of the water, and the expansiveness between both shores. It was infinite. It reminded me of eternity. And of possibility...

Such is the mind and the soul of the one who is One with God! Such is the gift that arises from the fruits of meditation. I only hope to attain that in this lifetime...

As I reflected on my over-arching theme for this winter session's yoga classes, and particularly for the themes I was thinking of using the first and second weeks, I felt "plugged in" to the river, and it conveyed so many insights in a seamless stream of consciousness. It was simply beautiful.

I will share some of the beautiful readings from Yogananda's Spiritual Diary, beginning with an excerpt for today, his birthday, followed by others addressing the New Year, and finally by two selections from other sources that I read this morning which were both meaningful to me.

Today, take a moment to think of one of your spiritual teachers and connect with him or her. Ask for what you need, and be grateful for whatever comes...

"If I don't see you, remember I am working for you in some other place. My seeing you all the time will not necessarily help you. You will receive more by meditating deeply and regularly. I am not here only to help you in this life, but in the beyond also...

Choose which habits you are going to destroy in the New Year. Make up your mind about them and stick to your decision. Resolve to give more time to God: to meditate regularly every day..so you can feel your spiritual progress in God. Resolve...that you are going to control your appetites and emotions...

For the New Year my greatest wish and prayer for you is that you cast aside wrong habits of thinking and doing. Don't drag your bad habits into the New Year. You don't have to carry them with you... Leave behind all useless thoughts and past sorrows and bad habits. Start life anew!"

ParamahansaYogananda

"Travel well into the quiet time given to God.
Watch the horizon for a glimpse of God's face."

Follow the Star Meditations

"It takes trust to believe that right behind the illusion of all the things
you've been taught to accept as true,
lives the effervescent and glorious Reality of God
that shapes itself through your heart into the world of Love
and brings you the experience of Heaven on Earth,
as Heaven as the place you dwell,
of Heaven being the unlimited and joyful consciousness
of the whole in which every part of life
is yours to share, yours to love, and yours to rejoice
with in the miracle of abundant life.

It takes an active act of trust and faith
to make the choice for Love and abundance
and make it so deeply that it brings you joy,
that you can feel it as a reality so palpable
that the curtain of the ego plays parts
and you are standing in the world of Love."

"Messages of Love," Circle of Light, January 5, 2012

God Speaks in the Heart's Silence

2012-01-04T12:43:00.000-08:00

In the last few weeks, three events occurred in quick succession, that knocked me out of my orbit. Each one more dreadful than the preceding one. Yet, in the midst of it all, I entered fully and joyfully into the celebration of the Christmas Season. And while I spent a few sleepless nights, and many cold and windswept days walking around, saying many different kinds of prayers - rosaries, mantras, and so forth - since I am comfortable in the spiritual practices of many traditions - I chose not to share the experiences with anyone at first.

But as the year began, I realized that turning to wise friends would actually help me put them all behind, and so I did. Each one, offered words of wisdom and insight, that were similar to ones that had come to me in the silence of prayer and meditation, for it is there that God speaks.

Mother Teresa of Calcutta, once said, during an interview for a documentary, that "God speaks in the silence of the heart, and we listen."

But the truth is, we make the choice - whether to listen or not - and whether to respond or not to the inner promptings of the heart...

As my analytical brain examined each situation from various vantage points, I came to see that there are many ways to look at each individual one. During meditation, I was able go to another plane and look at things from a distance, and remembered how Paramahansa Yogananda would often instruct, that our lives are lived on a stage. What happens is not as important as how we react to it all. In the end, God would consider how well we had played our roles. Our lives are fleeting after all, when one considers the incomprehensible vastness of eternity.

One dear friend reminded me, that there are so many different interpretations of reality. This, after I had read this quote from Pema Chödrön this morning:

"Seeing when you justify yourself and when you blame others is not a reason to criticize yourself, but actually an opportunity to recognize what all people do and how it imprisons us in a very limited perspective of this world. It’s a chance to see that you’re holding on to your interpretation of reality; it allows you to reflect that that’s all it is—nothing more, nothing less; just your interpretation of reality."

It was a beautiful reminder of our humanity and its flaws...

I shared with this friend, that intellectually I knew, that God forgives everything - in an instant. But that it is often much harder to forgive ourselves for our many failings.

I shared with another friend, whose family had been thrown their own curve ball at New Year's - a year begun with so much anticipation, followed by devastating news, how in the midst of all these set backs, and the challenges many were predicting for 2012, that it was important not to go to this place of fear - not be ruled by it - but instead - to radiate love in every way...

We all face our own challenges - each and every one of us. The four people I spoke to, each gave me an important insight - but each one also confirmed one that I had arrived at, because I had been listening, and praying, and waiting, and asking for answers...

God does speak in the silence of the heart, if we are willing to listen...

I realized afterward, I should have shared these events more readily, and on one of my prayerful walks, I sent blessings to many in need - those I have been asked to pray, those I have slighted, and those connected to me in deep suffering...

We can be bombarded by so much at times. But in my prayer, I gave intent - with God, Miraculous Mary, Yogananda, and all spiritual beings and teachers, guides and angels, ancestors - indeed, all who look out for me on the other side as my witnesses - to only meet - to the best of my ability - all waves of anger, negativity, and so forth with waves of love - sent out from the shores of my soul. May everything that I ever encounter be neutralized and united there - made ever one in God. I gave this intent - for this lifetime - for all lifetimes - and in between lifetimes - forever!

New Determinations for 2012

2012-01-01T07:41:00.000-08:00

We enter into a new year - this long awaited, and mysterious year of 2012. It a year we have speculated about for years and decades. Some of us are fearing it. Others are embracing it. Many know it will be a turning point. We cannot really anticipate what will unfold with each day and week to come...

As we begin this year, let us be enriched by these wise sayings and instructions by Paramahansa Yogananda, that they may indeed, provide a framework for us to chart our steps and this year's journey, enabling us to walk in the path of Light!

Enjoy!

Make New Determinations: Be What You Want to Be!

by Paramahansa Yogananda

The following excerpts are from a talk given by Paramahansa Yogananda at the International Headquarters of the society he founded, Self-Realization Fellowship, on New Year’s Eve, 1934. The entire talk is published in Journey to Self-realization, Volume III of Paramahansa Yogananda’s Collected Talks and Essays. (Self-Realization Fellowship, copyright © 1997, Los Angeles; reprinted with permission.) For more information about the teachings of Paramahansa Yogananda, visit www.yogananda-srf.org.

"Make new determinations as to what you are going to do and what you are going to be in this next year. Set a program for yourself; carry it through, and you will find how much happier you will be. Failure to keep to your schedule of improvement means you have paralyzed your will. You have no greater friend and no greater enemy than yourself. If you befriend yourself, you will find accomplishment. There is no law of God preventing you from being what you want to be and accomplishing what you want to accomplish. Nothing detrimental that happens can affect you unless you sanction it.

* * *

Let nothing weaken your conviction that you can be whatever you want to be. There is no one obstructing you unless it be yourself. Though my master Swami Sri Yukteswarji again and again told me that, it was hard to believe it at first. But as I used the God-given gift of will power in my life, I found it to be my savior. Not to use the will is to be inert like a stone, an inanimate object—an ineffectual human being.

* * *

Constructive thought will absolutely, like a great hidden searchlight, show you the pathway to success. There is always a way to be found if you think hard enough. People who give up after a little while bedim their power of thought. In order to gain your end, you must do your utmost to use thought until it is luminous enough to reveal to you the way to your goal.

Cast away all negative thoughts and fears. Remember that as a child of God you are endowed with the same potentialities as the most excellent among men. As souls, none is greater than another. Attune your will to be guided by the wisdom of God as expressed in the wisdom of the sages. If your will is yoked to wisdom, you can achieve anything.

* * *

Bad habits are the worst enemies you can have. You are punished by those habits. They make you do things you do not want to do, and leave you to suffer the consequences. You must drop bad habits and leave them behind you as you move forward. Every day should be a transition from old habits to better habits. In this coming year make a solemn resolution to keep only those habits that are for your highest good.

The best way to get rid of your undesirable tendencies is not to think about them; do not acknowledge them. Never concede that a habit has a hold on you….You must develop “won’t” habits. And stay away from those things that stimulate bad habits.

* * *

Do not limit yourself with the narrowness of selfishness. Include others in your achievements and happiness, then you are doing the will of God. Whenever you think of yourself, think also of others. When you think of seeking peace, think of others who are in need of peace. If you do your utmost to make others happy, you will find that you are pleasing the Father.

To live in harmony, to live with strong will power to do the will of Him who sent you, is all you should be interested in. Never lose courage, and always be smiling. Have the smile of the heart and the smile of the face completely in harmony. If your body, mind, and soul register the smile of the inner consciousness of God, you can scatter smiles about you wherever you go.

* * *

Be always with people who inspire you; surround yourself with people who lift you up. Do not let your resolutions and positive thinking be poisoned by bad company. Even if you cannot find good company to inspire you, you can find it in meditation. The best company you can have is the joy of meditation.

* * *

Your cup of life within and without is filled with the Divine Presence, but because of the lack of attention you do not perceive God’s immanence. When you are in tune, as one tunes in a radio, then you receive Spirit. It is as if you take a bottle of sea water, cork it, and put it in the ocean; although the bottle floats in the waters, its contents do not mix with its oceanic surroundings. But open the bottle, and the water inside merges with the sea. We must remove the cork of ignorance before we can come in contact with Spirit.

* * *

Infinity is our Home. We are just sojourning awhile in the caravanserai of the body. Those who are drunk with delusion have forgotten how to follow the trail that leads to God. But when in meditation the Divine gets hold of the prodigal child, there is no dallying anymore.

Enter the portals of the New Year with new hope. Remember you are a child of God. It lies with you as to what you are going to be. Be proud that you are a child of God. What have you to fear? No matter what comes, believe it is the Lord who is sending that to you; and you must succeed in conquering those daily challenges. Therein lies your victory. Do His will; nothing can hurt you then. He loves you everlastingly. Think that. Believe that. Know that. And suddenly one day you will find you are immortally alive in God.

Meditate more and believe in that strong consciousness that God is always with you regardless of what happens. Then you will see that the veil of delusion will be taken away and you will be one with That which is God. That is how I found my greatest happiness in life. I am not looking for anything now because I have everything in Him. Never would I part with That which is the richest of all possessions.

This is my message to you for the New Year."

With a Grateful Heart

2011-12-29T09:33:00.000-08:00

I end this year, with a grateful heart...

I am grateful for what is - and for what is not...

I am grateful for what happened - and what didn't...

I am grateful for the challenges received, and for those endured, and transcended, and for the ones that still remain...

I am grateful for the persons that came into my life, and those that exited as well...

I am grateful for connections made, and for those severed...

I am grateful for the many blessings received - those that were obvious, and those that remain hidden...

I am grateful for my community, for the comfort of prayer and meditation and practice, and how it enriches my life...

I am grateful for loved ones, and for those who still harbor negativity towards me - for they come bearing lessons...

To all whom I encounter - may all negative intentions and feelings - only be met by undulating waves of love and compassion rippling at the very shores of my soul...

I am grateful for surgery this year - and what it both brought into my life - and what it enabled me to release... And, I am grateful for the skillful and sensitive surgeon, who chose a more time-consuming but less invasive route, that enabled me to heal more quickly...

I am grateful for the places I was able to travel to, and the experiences I had, most especially in Istanbul and Ephesus...

As this year ends, I review events and experiences of this year - I set my intention for the goals I have chosen for the coming year - ever mindful that a grateful heart will be the soil on which to cultivate greater humility, compassion, and simplicity...

I grateful to be here, at this point in time in our history - and to have the grace and opportunity to step into all that 2012 brings...

It's all About LOVE. Really.

2011-12-20T09:56:00.000-08:00

About a week and a half ago - I had the wonderful pleasure to listen to and imbibe the ecstatic and poetic wisdom of Professor Bill Mahony, of Davidson College - who spoke on his new translation and commentary of the Narada Bhakti Sutras, titled, Exquisite Love. The two days, and 12 hours spent with him and the group that assembled for the occasion, was nothing short of exquisite!

Bill began by telling us - that the subject for the weekend was simply this - LOVE.

He went on to note, that Love is an important topic. This is the season for Love. But, there are many who do not feel or experience Love in their lives, and we need to take the time to acknowledge this. Furthermore, Bill went on to remind us that our true essence is Love - whether we feel it or not. And, this Love that we are - that is our essence - is of the same essence as God. Later on, in the course of the weekend, we were reminded over and over again - that Love is God - and God is Love!

I cannot truly express in words how deeply the weekend touched me - and how it opened my eyes to so much. It held up a mirror to where I needed to do some work, in some areas that had been "speaking to me" for a while, but that I had chosen to ignore, because ironically, I thought it would be the more "loving" response.

Love is sometimes messy. And as Bill observed, more often than not, it is deflected...

I found myself reflecting on - and questioning - what are truly valid expressions of love - and what is "real" Love. Sometimes what we feel is a valid expression of love - or real love - is simply not... Well, I could go on and on here, and write a dissertation on this topic, but this is neither the time nor the place...

Today, as I lay on the table at my acupuncturist, to get a "tune up" in preparation for the Winter Solstice and Christmas, I used the opportunity to meditate and pray, and reflect on this subject of Love, which has been coming up for me - in every reading and experience lately.

Several times, Bill said to us - You are deeply LOVED!" It was, like hearing these words for the first time. I know he meant them, and that he was communicating this for us, directly from the Divine.

Though there is so much I could write on this subject, let me end by sharing a few of my notes from the weekend:

"In the heart resides the essence of God. In the heart are life and light. in the heart are all strands...

As far as the space of this Universe extends - that far extends the space within the heart. Within it are held the heavens and the earth, fire and air... Truly, the Divine Self abides in the heart. Knowing this, the wise person enters daily into the heavenly world. (Chandogya Upanishad)

Bhakti Yoga - simply means and refers to ways of knowing God through Love.

Enter the river - and let it carry you... Point your feet downstream...

Love is of the nature of immortality...

Exquisite is the most subtle - the most refined form of Love...

Love is available to you always...

Love is expressive - it pulls existence out of non-existence...

Love is giving itself to the world our of a yearning to be. It is a non-dual state. It is a pure generosity - generating, creating...

Love is of the nature of peace, of supreme joy...

You are already Love - whether you experience it or not. The practices helps awaken it... and everything in your life is practice..."

Ah, and so it is...

To treat yourself to these wonderful sutras, and Bill's ecstatic commentary and insights, you can buy his book at Anusara Press, at the Anusara Yoga website:

Exquisite Love: Heart-Centered Reflections on the Narada Bhakti Sutras by William K. Mahony

www.anusara.com

A Season for Love

2011-12-19T06:24:00.000-08:00

How lovely to be constantly reminded about the reason for the season! It all comes down to LOVE! And so, I share here, a few reminders that have come my way, capped off by a short poem that I wrote...

"To live in the Reality of Love
is to be willing to be God awakening to the truth of only Love
and every expression of it, every nuance to be marveled
at and discovered. Every radiance is honored -
the fullness of the miracle of 'both/and,'
the indivisible unity of this one life
and the powerful gift of our relationship
which is a relationship with every expression,
every aspect of God. and thus do you dance
in this sparkling Light in the world
as an acknowledgement of the miracle
of the facets of Love and the beauty
of their expression, every one of which contains the whole.
Every electron is the universe. Every breath
is the Moment of Creation, and every heartbeat
is the birth of God consciousness,
all of it ready to be honored by the miracle that is you."

"Messages of Love," Circle of Light, December 19, 2011

From the movie "Love Actually" (and here, do your best to "channel" actor Hugh Grant):

"Whenever I get gloomy with the state of the world,
I think about the arrivals gate Heathrow Airport.
General opinion's starting to make out
that we live in a world of hatred and greed,
but I don't see that. It seems to me that love
is everywhere. Often it's not particularly dignified or newsworthy.
But it's always there - fathers and sons, mothers and daughters,
husbands and wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, old friends.

When the planes hit the Twin Towers, as far as I know
none of the phone calls from the people on board
were messages of hate or revenge -
they were all messages of love.
If you look for it, I've got a sneaky feeling
you'll find that love actually, is all around."

ADVENT 2011

May this Sacred Season
Of Luminosity, and
Of Joyful Expectation
Inviting Presence,
Awaken You
To it's True Meaning--
The Incarnation
Of Divine Love!

Advent and Christmas blessings, and Love, to all!

Don't Save it All for Christmas

2011-12-17T12:48:00.001-08:00

This time of year, I love listening to Christmas songs, as so many others do. One of my favorite is a song by Celine Dion, reminding us that love is really what this season is all about - and that we shouldn't save it all for Christmas.

I have posted the link to a YouTube rendition of this song and I also include the lyrics here. Enjoy! And Advent and Christmas blessings to all of you!

Don't Save it all for Christmas

"Don't Save It All For Christmas Day"

Don't get so busy that you miss
Giving just a little kiss
To the ones you love
Don't even wait a little while
To give them a little smile
A little is enough

How many people are crying
People are dying...
How many people are asking for love

Don't save it all for Christmas Day
Find a way
To give a little love everyday
Don't save it all for Christmas Day
Find your way
Cause holidays have come and gone
But love lives on
If you give on
Love...

How could you wait another minute
A hug is warmer when you're in it
And Baby that's a fact
And saying "I love you's" always better
Seasons, reasons, they don't matter
So don't hold back
How many people in this world
So needful in this world
How many people are praying for love

Don't save it all for Christmas Day
Find a way
To give a little love everyday
Don't save it all for Christmas Day
Find your way
Cause holidays have come and gone
But love lives on
If you give on
Love...

Let all the children know
Everywhere that they go
Their whole life long
Let them know love

Don't save it all for Christmas Day
Find a way
To give a little love everyday
Don't save it all for Christmas Day
Find your way
Cause holidays have come and gone
But love lives on
If you give on
Love...
Love...

This Christmas - Part Two

2011-12-14T12:20:00.000-08:00

Last year, I received this card from a friend and loved it, and I happened to find a box for myself as well.

It's message reminds of the card I sent last year - which I noted in a recent entry - its content derived from an article that appeared in McCall's in 1959. I only discovered that later, when a reader of this blog brought my attention to it. I include the link to the McCall's article at the end.

And so, I share this one with you - shorter - but no less sweet!

This Christmas...

Help a Stranger.
Praise a Child.
Light a Candle.
Share your Love.

Sing for Joy.
Lend a Hand.
Pray for Peace.
Understand.

Christmas Thoughts from McCall's

Thanks to Jennifer!

A Christmas Poem

2011-12-12T10:33:00.000-08:00

Last year, I wrote this poem. These were my wishes then, and they are my wishes once again this year, and every year - for you - for me - for all of us!

And so, here it is, one more time...

This Christmas…

Love. Love totally and completely.

Love without restraint.

Love with total abandon.

Forgive. Forgive everything.

Forgive every ancient grudge.

Forgive the Unforgiveable.

Hope. Hope for a better world.

Hope for Peace, and an end to strife.

Give Hope to all in despair.

Dream. Dream the Impossible

Dream. Feed your Dream and

Give it Life. Make it real.

Believe. Believe in the Seen.

Believe in the Unseen.

Believe in the Power of Miracles.

Live. Live fully and Live deeply.

Live with Great Passion. Live

Each moment, as if your last.

Touch. Embrace a loved one.

And a lost one. Embrace them again.

Hold a hurting hand and heart.

Feel. Feel everything. Feel it fully.

Feel the Newness of every moment.

Feel the gift of every day.

Help. Help all those in need.

Help those you know.

Help those you don’t.

Give. Give generously.

Give of your time.

Give of your heart.

Heal. Let go and release.

Heal what no longer serves.

Heal a broken heart.

Repent. Make straight

In the desert a highway.

Be Sorry. Make amends.

Celebrate. Give thanks always.

Celebrate Blessings.

Celebrate Life.

Enjoy. Enter fully into this Season.

Enjoy, and remember

The Reason for the Season!

This Christmas

2011-12-08T05:52:00.001-08:00

Last year, I sent out a set of Christmas cards with the following words of wisdom. Several told me they loved this card. I saved one and frame it, and have begun the tradition of putting it on my bookshelf at this time of year. It reminds me of what this season is all about, and what gets ignited in our hearts. It reminds me of what every season and every day should be about. Its wisdom is without question. It's value is without price. Its simplicity is stunning. It will take your breath away. And it will change your life - if you give it a chance...

And so, I share it once again, this year...

This Christmas

Mend a quarrel.
Seek out a forgotten friend.
Write a love letter.
Share some treasure. Give a
soft answer. Encourage youth.
Keep a promise. Find the time.
Forgive an enemy. Listen.
Apologize if you were wrong.
Think first of someone else.
Be kind and gentle.
Laugh a little. Laugh a little more.
Express your gratitude. Gladden
the heart of a child. Take pleasure
in the beauty and wonder of the earth.
Speak your love. Speak it again.
Speak it still once again.

A Season for Awakening

2011-12-04T12:16:00.000-08:00

This season, as in the previous two, I begin each morning in Advent, by meditating on the online devotional, "Follow the Star."

I have been pondering some of Michelle Thomas Bush's reflections this week, but this one, in particular, struck a chord:

"Keep awake! We are an over-caffeinated community with 6 hour energy drinks, who are in the practice of staying up late. The local coffee shop knows what we will order when we walk through the door. Facebook and Xbox Live can keep us up for hours on end. We know how to stay awake.

Keep awake! It is a call to be alert to the presence of God. We may be wide awake, but have we fallen asleep in our spiritual life? We are in charge and waiting for the return of our Master. Our God is coming! This is a wake up call!"

Yes - we do know how to stay awake on a physical level - perhaps willing ourselves so - but we do so without being fully present, attentive, or mindful.

We know how to stay awake and multi-task. But, are we awake in our hearts and our souls? Are we brimming with a "joie de vivre?" Do we experience each moment as a gift and a miracle? And are we grateful for those moments?

When the Buddha became enlightened - he did not say - "I am enlightened." He said - "I am awake."

When Thelma and Louise were nearing the climactic end to their journey evading the law in that quintessential movie of early 90's, what does one of them say, after realizing that she had been more alive in the few days preceding their flight? Simply, "I am awake."

In 2005, a year that was pivotal for me in many ways, I wrote a poem acknowledging - that I felt I was awake.

This season, let us strive to be more awake - and aware of all the things that pull us out of our center - every meaningless distraction we encounter. Let us take this time - regardless of our our tradition - to find the inner stillness within and reflect on the true meaning of life.

I have chosen to purge all that is not part of the true meaning of the season out of my observance of Advent and Christmas this year, starting with ornaments and decorations that do not reflect the "reason for the season." But, most especially, I have chosen to awaken more deeply to the gift of life, and to try to carry the beauty, and spirit that is ignited at this time of the year, into every day of the coming year.

Follow the Star
http://www.d365.org/followingthestar

Advent - A Time for Presence

2011-12-01T12:42:00.000-08:00

This morning, I read this beautiful poem by John O'Donohue, who left this world in an untimely fashion - far too early in his life. I say this because the fifties, to a person residing in that decade, seems very young, especially in this day and age! After all, isn't the 50's the new 30's - or 40's? I don't know; try convincing my body of that one!

This Advent season, may you enter more deeply into the present moment and cultivate a sense of presence that permeates every experience and every encounter with the joy of living!

For Presence

Awaken to the mystery of being here
and enter the quiet immensity of your own presence.

Have joy and peace in the temple of your senses.

Receive encouragement when new frontiers beckon.

Respond to the call of your gift and the courage to
follow its path.

Let the flame of anger free you of all falsity.

May warmth of heart keep your presence aflame.

May anxiety never linger about you.

May your outer dignity mirror an inner dignity of
soul.

Take time to celebrate the quiet miracles that seek
no attention.

Be consoled in the secret symmetry of your soul.

May you experience each day as a sacred gift woven
around the heart of wonder.

~ John O'Donohue ~

Advent - A Time for Waiting and Something More

2011-11-30T10:58:00.000-08:00

There is a reason for this season, no matter what tradition we observe or celebrate...

This is a time of preparation, and delving more deeply within ourselves, as we journey into the heart of winter...

But, it is also a time for waiting...

What a lesson this is, in a culture of instant gratification - where everything occurs instantly - where no one truly knows how to wait - or acknowledge its quiet lessons and the fruits born of its practice...

For many of us, and most particularly Christians, this time of Advent ushers in the Christmas season. We prepare our hearts and home - we await with joyful expectation, exercising hospitality, generosity, and being generally of good cheer. We are pregnant with possibilities... As Mary was... Yes, anything is possible...

What a positive message this is for us to digest and embody during a year that has seen much strife and negativity. But even in the midst of all of that, the promise, the seeds, and the possibility of love blooms, everywhere, most especially in places where one least expects it...

This is a time to welcome others. Not to turn our backs on anyone... And the season is seeded from the remnants of our observation of Thanksgiving, when we took the time to express our deepest gratitude. And there is always something to be grateful for. When I can't find something to be grateful for - I think of that child of the Holocaust, who scratched these words into the barracks where he - or she died:

"I believe in the sun, even when it is not shining."

What should we express our gratitude for? For EVERYTHING!

Henri Nouwen, the much loved theologian, once observed, that the experience of waiting in the scriptures occurs within the context and expectation of a promise, and it was this promise that allowed those dwelling in the experience of waiting, the courage to wait. This sense of promise enabled the following individuals in the Gospels - Zechariah, Elizabeth, Mary, Simeon and Anna - to wait - from a place where they felt nurtured and fed - so they could stay where they were - in the moment - accepting their experience...

Nouwen also noted, that "this is very important for us [as well]...because we can wait only if what we are waiting for has already begun for us. Waiting is never a movement from nothing to something. It is always a movement from something - to something more..."

I need to wrap my brain around that...

We wait, to receive more - to give birth to something greater in ourselves - something we already are...

This week, I read a message which asserted that we should give thanks for what is not yet. In doing so, we help create what we have not quite received...

We wait, with a deep sense of expectation...

We should say: "I have received and I am grateful..."

Let us begin this season of waiting as if it were an adventure. Every day truly is... Let let go of being impatient. Advent, and this season - is an invitation for all of us to live more deeply in the present moment...

Wait! If you hurry, you might miss the biggest gift of the season - regardless of your tradition or spiritual practices: It is the Gift of God's Grace and Peace...

Many Ways to God

2011-11-26T07:40:00.000-08:00

I arise early, on this morning, the eve of the beginning of Advent, a sacred season, on the heels of Thanksgiving, with my heart filled to the brim with rich experiences...

I sit in meditation, and begin to prepare for Advent...

On the LONG flight back from Istanbul (12 hours), I was able to sit and reflect on these experiences, and I thought to myself - there are truly - many ways to God...

This is one of the lessons that I learned...

All paths lead to God...

All traditions find their completion in God...

I have always had a deep reverence for other spiritual traditions, and have found myself equally at home in almost of all of them...

In my very early 20's, as an undergraduate student, I took a graduate course on contemporary Jewish philosophers and Zionist writers, under the guidance of a Reconstructionist Rabbi. I was drawn to Judaism all of my life, and later learned I had both Sephardic and Ashkenazi roots in my background.

In my early 30's, I lost myself in studying Buddhist traditions, and was moved most especially by its Tibetan expressions.

As an educator, I had the privilege of teaching comparative religion courses for many years, which indulged this interest of mine.

In my 40's, I came to study Vedanta, and immersed myself in its teachings, drawn especially by the writings of Paramahansa Yogananda.

At the time, I was still the Chair of the Theology Department at a Catholic Institution, and I delved in all these traditions and teachings guardedly, because I felt I still publicly represented my own tradition and school. And even though I personally did not feel separation of all that nourished my heart, I know that many did not see things in the same way I did...

In my 50's, as my study of yoga, and Anusara Yoga in particular deepened, I was drawn to Tantric texts and teachings...

Over the course of several decades, I have collected religious artifacts of many traditions. I have a room that is mine, painted in purple - a prayer space - where Hindu murtis, Catholic saints, Buddhist prayer wheels: a dorje and bell - and Buddha and yab yum statues abound - all co-habitating the same space together. I have Catholic rosaries blessed by saints and popes, Hindu and Buddhist mala beads, and a Muslim rosary as well. I also have Holy Water from the Ganges, from Lourdes, and from Ephesus.

There are many ways to God...

All paths lead to God...

And so, on this incredible trip, I traveled to a country, that though officially secular, was as close to the heart of Islam as I had ever been. I was moved by the beauty of the peoples' hearts, by their reverence, by the various expressions of this faith all co-mingling together.

I was touched by observing a fashionable young Turkish woman, in boots and a short skirt, walking arm in arm with her grandmother, covered in a hijab.

But, I was most especially moved at mid-day, at the top of the Wall of Constantinople, listening to the call to prayer by the muezzin, all over the city, all blending into one. It was so breathtaking, and moving, and eerie all at once. I could not help but wonder, what it would be like, to live where the call to prayer was seamlessly woven into the fabric of everyday life. My only experience of a daily call to prayer has been while visiting or doing retreats in Catholic monasteries.

I was moved by seeing relics in the Topkapi Palace of the sultans - the staff of Moses, and beautiful and ornate boxes containing cuttings of the Prophet Muhammed's hair and beard.

I was moved by visiting the Hagia Sophia, built by Justinian, the largest church in Christendom for 1000 years, and the Chora church, covered with the most exquisite mosaics. And, by my visit to the Blue Mosque, which, was my first visit to a mosque. I donned head scarf and removed my shoes, and walked reverently in its hallowed space.

But, my greatest and most moving experiences were in Ephesus. There, I visited the remains of the Basilica and tomb of St. John the Evangelist. It was to him, that Jesus entrusted the care of his mother. And visiting her home, where she lived out her earthly years, was an incredible dream come true, and one that I never expected would be in this lifetime. This site, is holy to Christians and Muslims alike. Later, I also visited the site of the Ecumenical Council in Ephesus In 431 AD, where Mary had been proclaimed "Theotokos," the God Bearer, or the Mother of God.

A dear friend reminded me, to consider, in the words of the poet May Sarton, that homecomings are like moving "in the thickets of undigested experiences," and to take the time needed for a soft and proper re-entry...

I arrived late on Wednesday afternoon, and in the evening went to the store, and found myself so out of place and time, I could hardly drive. I had no perception of depth, and my eyes could not adjust or see in the dark. I drove so slowly, it was a good thing I was close to home...

The next day, on Thanksgiving, I put up the small icons I had bought on the wall in my prayer corner, as well as my new wall hangings of the replica of Jesus Pantokrator from the Hagia Sophia, and an Arabic inscription for "Allah."

I also framed and hung a print of a whirling dervish, impregnated with Arabic writing. When I asked the dealer who sold it to me, what the writing meant, he pointed to an English translation: "Appear as you are, or be as you appear." I locked my eyes with his, and exclaimed, "Rumi!" And he smiled, and bowed his head in acknowledgment. I placed this print above another framed print of a Rumi quote I received on my 50th birthday:

"Your heart is the true mosque; within your body is the place to offer your salutations to the Lord."

There are so many ways to God...

And often they are found or experienced where we least expect it.

The ways to God are everywhere. In every person. In every land. In every religion. There are many paths. And they all lead to the same place...

Thanksgiving 2011

2011-11-24T10:15:00.000-08:00

I returned late yesterday, from the most amazing trip to Istanbul and Ephesus, so filled with spiritual experiences and graces, and I will write about it shortly.

But today, as with many of you, my thoughts dwell on all the things that I am grateful for, ever mindful, as Meister Eckhart once affirmed, that:

"If the only prayer you ever say
is thank you,
it would be enough."

And so, I share with you a prayer by the German theologian, Deitrich Bonhoeffer, who was put to death by the Nazis, and a poem by e.e. cummings:

O Heavenly Father,

I praise and thank you

For the peace of the night.

I praise and thank you for this new day.

I praise and thank you for the goodness

And faithfulness throughout my life.

You have granted me many blessings;

Now let me also accept what is hard from your hand.

You will lay on me no more than I can bear.

You make all things work together for the good of your children.

Deitrich Bonhoeffer

i thank You God for most this amazing
day:for the leaping greenly spirits of trees
and a blue true dream of sky;and for everything
which is natural which is infinite which is yes

(i who have died am alive again today,
and this is the sun's birthday;this is the birth
day of life and love and wings:and of the gay
great happening illimitably earth)

how should tasting touching hearing seeing
breathing any-lifted from the no
of all nothing-human merely being
doubt unimaginable You?

(now the ears of my ears awake and
now the eyes of my eyes are opened)

~ e.e. cummings ~

May you be grateful today, for all that is. But, may you remember to express gratitude for everything, every day of your life!

In the Footsteps of Constantine, Mary, and Rumi

2011-11-15T10:12:00.000-08:00

Tomorrow, I head out for Istanbul. As a former theologian, I am looking forward to seeing sites significant and sacred to the origins of Christianity, and important to Islam as well. I will travel to a part of the world I have never been to, and the farthest I have ever been.

I am both excited, and somewhat anxious. I am a "homebody" - an introvert and contemplative at heart. But, I look forward to the experiences that await, and most particularly, traveling to Ephesus, site of early Church Councils that defined Christian dogma, and the place where tradition teaches that Mary, the mother of Jesus, lived out her earthly years.

I only wish, I had the time to travel to Rumi's birthplace as well! But, that may have to be at some other time!

Blessings to all of you until I next write!

"Drain the cup of passion
and walk steadfast
on the path of Truth.
Close both eyes
and see the mysteries
with your inner eye...

Go beyond your tangled thoughts
and find the splendor of Paradise.
Go beyond your little world
and find the grandeur of God's world."
~ Rumi

Birthday Blessings

2011-11-13T19:48:00.000-08:00

The sun has gone down on a good day. On a birthday...

Today, I am grateful for so many things.

For the gift of life. For family, friends, and loved ones.

I am grateful for the outpouring of love. Much of it unexpected.

A line from The Wizard of Oz says:

"A heart is not judged
by how much you love,
but by how much
you are loved by others."

This is true. But it is also true that how we love, and that we love, is all that matters. This is what God sees.

Love is all there is, for in love we know God.

This is the gift of this day...

Blessings on 11.11.11

2011-11-11T06:47:00.000-08:00

On this sacred day of 11's --
on this day of 11.11.11,
of portals opening,
and veils thinning,
on the heels of a Full Moon,
and the remembrance
of the sacrifice of Veterans,
my heart swells with joy
and deep gratitude
for all that ever was--
for all that is,
and all that is to come...

On this sacred day,
of hearkening the wisdom of angels,
I step into the river
and its raging blue currents
swollen and heavy with dying leaves,
baptizing myself anew
to a life of contemplation,
deep practice,
and dedicated meditation...

On this sacred day
of new beginnings
and deepening consciousness,
of grace and special blessings,
I give thanks,
I chant,
I pray,
and I lay all at the feet
of My Beloved Divine...

On this sacred day,
I release,
I forgive,
I repent,
and I cleanse--
letting go of what no longer serves,
and all desire for retribution...

On this sacred day,
I re-commit to my sacred path--
fully embracing my ecstatic journey,
and to living as fully and deeply
as I can, extending healing to the souls
I encounter along the way,
and anointing the places I visit,
as sacred ground...

On this sacred day,
I plunge into the Unknown
with great abandon;
I pledge to live in each Present Moment,
as fully and completely as possible--
recognizing God in everything,
and everything in God...

On this sacred day,
of 11.11.11,
on the eve of relinquishing
my 55th year
and stepping into my 56th,
my heart bursts with gratitude
for all the blessings
and sacred lessons received--
for the special soul companions
sent my way, in every epoch
of my life, but most especially
for the Gift of Faith
and the Love and Presence
of the Beloved Divine...

On this sacred day,
My soul rejoices and sings,
and dances to
its unique song...

May the prayers
and sacred energies of this day
transform and heal the planet,
and culminate in the recognition
that we are all One; and
we embody the One
we so desperately and passionately seek!

Inner Reflections 2012

2011-11-04T10:24:00.001-07:00

This is the time of year that I look forward to getting my new calendars for the coming year. I like to collect yoga poses and create my own wall calendar for my office. But I also like a good, "old fashioned" desk calendar that I can write in. As tech savvy as I am, I just prefer a beautiful engagement calendar with inspirational quotes to feed my soul from week to week during the coming year.

These calendars have changed throughout the years, but for the last several ones, my desk has been beautifully graced and my soul has been just as equally inspired, by the "Inner Reflections" calendars published by the Self-Realization Fellowship. Each yearly edition is nothing short of exquisite - comprised of breathtaking photographs accompanied by inspirational quotes and selections from the writings of Paramahansa Yogananda.

And so, I recently received the 2012 edition, with its beautiful fall maple leaves on the cover - a simple composition of gorgeous bursts of orange, reds, and a hint of yellow, against a turquoise backdrop.

I will share with you a few excerpts from this calendar - each week showcases a visual feast for the eyes depicting simple and majestic scenes from nature, paired with an appropriate selection from Yogananda. I opened the calendar randomly a few times and these are the quotes on those pages:

"Practice the art of living in this world without losing your inner peace of mind. Follow the path of balance.

It is wise now and then to remove yourself from everyday considerations, to calm your mind and try to understand what kind of person you are and what kind of person you want to be...

Every day look at yourself in the mirror of introspection... That is the way you can become flawless in the spiritual mirror of your soul...

Whether your worldly possessions be many or few, you are still rich in gifts from God. Love Him, not for the outward things He may give you but for His gift to you of Himself as your Father..."

This last quote, comes from my birthday week!

This wonderful calendar is priced at $13.95 and is available in many bookstores, but it can also be ordered directly from the publisher:

Self-Realization Fellowship:
www.yogananda-srf.org

Treat yourself and loved one to a wonderful gift that will keep on giving every week of the coming year. I have treasured mine and kept them!

Ishvara Pranidhana: Humility, Faith, and Anusara

2011-11-02T09:17:00.000-07:00

It's been a while since I've made an entry. It's not because I haven't wanted to - but sometimes life and responsibilities get in the way, and sometimes our attention is called elsewhere... I've had family matters to attend to, losses to address, and so forth...

This week, I have worked with backbends in my classes and have emphasized the engagement of "Kidney Loop." I chose to link these with a theme of "Ishvara Pranidhana, one of the niyamas from Patanjali's Yoga Sutras, which is often translated as "Devotion to the Lord."

Nicolai Bachman, in his book, The Path of the Yoga Sutras, which I have been using as a primer for my themes this session, describes this niyama, or observance, as the cultivation of humiity and faith.

Anusara Yoga emphasizes the importance of beginning our practice from the back body because it is there that we connect to the universal - to something bigger and greater than ourselves. "Kidney Loop" enables us to this. For me, initiating the practice from the back body is about connecting to the Divine. And if we connect to the Divine, we must listen to what it says to us. Sometimes those promptings lead us down very different paths of life than we originally envisioned.

Twenty years ago, I was completing my doctorate in Salesian Spirituality and education. I did not start practicing yoga until five years later. If anyone had told me then that I would have left the comfort and safety of academia to teach yoga, I would have thought them crazy. After all, I was the person who loved the articles and interviews in Yoga Journal in early 90's, when it was much better than it is now, but was annoyed by all the asana articles!

Four years ago, I left the studio I had taught at for nine years. I made a comfortable living. I had packed classes. If anyone would have told me when I began my certification process in Anusara that I would leave this studio and venture into the unknown, I would have laughed.

I love comfort. And I dislike change... But on both of these occasions, I heard an inner prompting that began as a slight nagging, then became more like a nuisance, until I was finally open enough to listen to the message and the Voice within. All of a sudden, everything became clear. There was a deep inner knowing. I simply KNEW I had to move on.

In the first instance, I left the stability that a regular paycheck brought. I also left the prestige of being the Chair of my department. In the second instance, I left a very cushy situation: a decent income for a yoga teacher, students I had taught for years, and everything I expected to be there for a long time. It was gone shortly after I turned 50.

I bring this up, because in the last week, three highly respected Anusara Yoga teachers have resigned their certification. Many are quite upset over this. But the thing is, I respect all of these people even more, because they dared to listen to their inner promptings and follow their hearts. This takes much more guts to do - especially when you are not quite sure what will come next.

I have tried to quell all sorts of rumors, emotions, and so forth.

None of us can really say we will always do this or that. Life is impermanent. If we are true to ourselves - if we connect with the Divine - and we listen and trust what we hear within, we might be led down a very different path.

I have tried many spiritual paths. And I retain elements of all of them in my practice, my worship, and my life. If we don't change - we don't grow, and as John Henry Newman once wrote, "Growth is the only evidence of life."

We are all the sum total of all the people and teachings and paths we have encountered. We should always be glad and supportive for those who choose to march to their own drum - because in the final analysis, we are all enriched because of it.

Vairagya - Nonattachment and the Freedom to Soar

2011-10-20T11:49:00.000-07:00

What weighs you down?

What keeps you in bondage when you most yearn for freedom - and just want to soar?

Nicolai Bachman, in his book, The Path of the Yoga Sutras, defines "vairagya" as nonattachment to sensory objects.

Every major religious or spiritual tradition teaches the concept of nonattachment in form or another. Bachman begins this section in his book with this quote from the Buddha:

"The secret of happiness lies
in the mind's release from worldy ties."

Catchy verse. It rhymes. And it is so true!

The practice of vairagya enables us to cultivate a sense of letting go - not only of material things and possessions, but also of all that does not serve us as well.

In my classes, it seemed fitting to link this concept to the Anusara Yoga principle of "Organic Energy" because when one has truly embodied this notion of nonattachment and letting go, while still drawing in to that which binds us, grounds us, and keeps us honest - we are free to soar, expand, and grow.

In Bachmans words:

"Letting go of our outer attachments
unloads a burden that is weighing us down
and keeping us from experiencing
the freedom that is yoga."

Today, and every day, choose to examine what keeps you tied down. Choose to cultivate nonattachment. Your practice of yoga and meditation will enable you to release the ties that bind you in an unhealthy manner. You will then taste the delicious fruit of freedom!

Dharma of Relationships

2011-10-15T18:22:00.000-07:00

I just spent three whirlwind days in Montclair, NJ, where Emma Magenta and the Anusara kula there, graciously hosted John Friend, in the company of over 300 Anusara yoga teachers and practitioners. The energy there was simply amazing! I was so happy to connect with friends I hadn't seen in a year or longer, who had traveled from all corners of the world! And, I was just as happy to meet new friends as well.

While there is so much that I could say, I would like to just list some of the things that John spoke about on the dharma of relationships that resonated with me in one way or another. Perhaps they will speak to you as well. I know I will be reviewing and reflecting on the material for some time to come...

"What is our sadhana? It is our life...

In Anusara, we are always in relationship to the Universal. Grace is the intrinsic power of spirit that enables us to shift, open, and reveal something that is already there.

To the degree that you can align with the shakti, grace will have a commensurate effect...

When two vibratory fields or persons are in sync, the field gets bigger than the sum of its parts and you birth something bigger. This is especially true in community.

Every relationship has a power differential. Do you use it to empower or serve or not?

When you do your dharma, you align with the shakti. You need to alchemize the shadow into the light.

Today, open to the highest.

Adhikara is the capacity or the qualification to attune to whatever you want to be in sync with.

Kriya is when you make an offering without any expectations.

Time heals all relationships, so let time be your friend.

To be able to find the extraordinary in the ordinary, takes slowing things down.

When you meditate, give blessings to yourself in addition to extending blessings to others.

Every relationship should take us into our hearts.

Always give the benefit of a doubt in a relationship. That's First Principle. You must be biased for the good.

Never kick someone out of your heart.

The heart has to be open like the sky."

Yes, simple, but very powerful gems of wisdom, extracted from from a gathering of a beautiful communion of souls. Many shifts occurred. Some of them, will transform lives forever...

Viveka - The Embodiment of Keen Discernment

2011-10-10T09:46:00.000-07:00

This morning, I told my students, that they cannot embody "Inner Spiral" without engaging "Outer Spiral." And conversely, they cannot truly embody "Outer Spiral" without engaging "Inner Spiral." You simply cannot have one without the other. There is always a dance that exists between the two. They are always in dynamic relationship to each other. And for those familiar with Anusara Yoga parlance, it can take a lifetime to embody both.

Some will require more of one principle, while others will require more of the other. Sometimes the engagement required is dramatic. More often, it is quite subtle. For some of us, the engagement of both principles requires about the same amount of effort.

Each of us, has certain tendencies. It is only through keen observation and discrimination that we become more fully aware of what our tendencies are in our various practices. It is through the cultivation of viveka - which is after all, a form of mindfulness, that we can open the door to transformation.

In his book, The Path of the Yoga Sutras, Nicolai Bachman defines "viveka" as "keen discernment." This is not something one does haphazardly; it can only be attained within the context of a marriage of such qualities as openness, intent, focus, and observation.

Bachman has these observations in his book about the cultivation of this practice:

"The ability to choose wisely and separate the wheat from the chaff is fundamental to the practice of yoga. Without this ability, our thoughts, words, and actions are limited to the whim of habitual tendency and the prison of involuntary conformity. Yoga involves a commitment to freeing our heart and mind of unnecessary and unhelpful baggage and focusing instead on our path toward contentment and inner happiness.

Viveka is knowing and consciously discerning one object from another...

Viveka helps us to make healthy choices in life. Stepping back and quietly contemplating what we really want in life can initiate actions in that direction...

In any action, it is important to know who or where we are now...where we want to go...and the steps necessary to get there. Observing ourselves closely through quiet contemplation, and listening to others can give us a sense of who we are...

Viveka can help us avoid being harmed due to lack of knowledge or experience...

Viveka also means separating what is useful from what is not...

On a deeper, internal level, viveka can help us distinguish between our changing body and our unchanging inner light of awareness. Without viveka, individuals identify the body as themselves..."

So, through the cultivation of viveka, we grow more deeply in the knowledge of who we really are, and the essence of our true nature, and thus we open the door to inner transformation. When we do that, we are able to help others awaken and become more mindful as well.

Nothing that occurs on the mat is without connection to something bigger and something greater. Sean Corn likes to say - we take our yoga off the mat and into the world. At this time of so much strife and protests everywhere, it is easy to take sides and point fingers. The cultivation of viveka helps us stay open to all the nuances and perspectives within a situation.

The practice of viveka goes beyond the embodiment of two principles in yoga, and opens the door to so much more.

A Day for Casting Off and Forgiveness

2011-10-07T18:24:00.000-07:00

I arise early on a very busy day. Part of my morning will be consumed with righting mistakes from my insurance company, which has managed to mess up the billing resulting from all the various medical procedures I underwent this summer. But instead of giving this task my immediate attention, the wonderful fog beckons, and with a cup of coffee in hand, I head down to the river...

It is breathtakingly beautiful on this day of Yom Kippur, which is the Jewish Day of Atonement. It is a day set aside for casting off what does not serve, and forgiveness. It is also a day for expiation, and making amends...

In the coolness of the morning, I drink in the visual feast of a sky that seamlessly merges with the water, partially cloaked by the density of the fog, and I cannot help but recall the day, three years ago, when I lost myself in the fog on Rosh Hashanah. I launched Grace, my kayak, and paddled into the void - losing myself in its embrace, as the Voice within chanted over and over again, the message that my heart needed so desperately to hear:

"Let go of holding on;
and hold on to letting go."

A few days later, I went back into the healing waters, and cast off lingering and festering resentments. I prayed to be forgiven for my sins and transgressions towards others - and practiced "Tashlikh," in a desperate act of self-cleansing and spiritual purification.

Three years later, I rejoice and express my gratitude to the Divine, for enabling me to release so much, healing so many wounds, so that I can now thoroughly delight in the many gifts received...

In a strange twist of circumstances, I find out that someone I haven't seen for years still bears deep anger and resentment towards me. I gingerly step into the river, sending this person love and compassion, hoping that someday, peace may find an abode in the heart of this tortured soul...

I come home to teach a student who is Jewish, and we speak of the meaning of this day for her. She tells me, that this year, she has chosen to focus on recognizing the lack of love and patience she often has for herself, and to make amends for this, and turn this pattern of behavior around. And I think to myself, this is such a wonderful lesson for me as well.

Amidst the busyness of my day, my thoughts come back to the importance of forgiveness and compassion for all persons, in all situations. It is so much easier to write off or be critical of the one who is different - the one whose politics or skin color, or religious tradition does not mirror our own.

I think of the river, and how in its wisdom, it once more reminds me to cast off what does not serve, and let go of all that separates and divides. In the Divine, we are neither Jew, nor Greek, Muslim or Hindu. We are neither black or white, or red or brown. Each one of us, in our rich diversity is simply a unique manifestation of the One who is in all of us - of the God who loves us all, as no one ever has, or ever will...

Abhyasa - Slow and Dedicated Practice

2011-10-05T09:55:00.000-07:00

Of all of Anusara Yoga's Universal Principles of Alignment, the hardest one for me to embody is "Inner Spiral." Of the seven loops, it is "Kidney Loop," and this seems to be the case with many other practitioners as well. We are all students seeking to embody these principles and unlock their hidden wisdom. But, it is not an easy journey.

Because of spinal degeneration and other physical issues that I have, the integration of both of these principles of alignment are crucial for me - along with their close friends and partners - "Outer Spiral" and "Pelvic Loop."

Just last week, I was chatting with a friend at a social gathering, and sharing with her the details of my summer surgery. She laughed and then said to me, "I can imagine your kundalini is really flowing these days. After all, you had a rock sitting on your snake!"

Hummm.... That certainly gave me pause. No one had quite worded it that way! But, in a way, she was right!

How do we progress in our practice? How do we remove obstacles? We do it through "diligent, focused practice," which is abhyasa. That is how Nicolai Bachman defines this key concept to the Yoga Sutras.

In his book, The Path of the Yoga Sutras: A Practical Guide to the Core of Yoga, he begins the section on abhyasa with this quote:

"Be soft in your practice. Think of the method as fine silvery stream, not a raging waterfall. Follow the stream, have faith in its course. It will go on its own way, meandering here, trickling there. It will find the grooves, the cracks, the crevices. Just follow it. Never let it out of your sight. It will take you."
~ Sheng Yen

Those who have practiced long know that we cannot push the river. We must let it flow. Less is more. We should not practice hard, but soft. It should be slow and diligent. It should be focused, and dedicated. Yes, it is a challenge to make the practice of asana, or meditation seem effortless - like a "fine silvery stream," and not like a "raging waterfall." But if we do so over time, we will see the fruits of our labor.

So it is with the cultivation of "Inner Spiral", coupled with hip openers, which as a category of poses, teaches us to embody this principle so well. But for many of us, to open our hips takes time. We must work at it, but the rewards are many.

Still, we do spiritual practices such as yoga, not for its physical benefits, but for its transformative qualities. Bachman notes:

"Abhyasa can apply to understanding another person. Focusing on that person regularly over time, with sincerity and respect, allows us to truly understand her better. Understanding others helps us understand parts of ourselves..."

This is a wonderful time of year to re-dedicate yourself, or re-connect with with one of your spiritual practices. Or, even begin one. Make it slow. Savor each moment. Listen to what it has to say to you. Do it with focus. With intention, and with diligence. Enter more deeply into this season and the many gifts it brings.

With a Winged Heart

2011-10-02T07:18:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, I had the honor to officiate at the wedding of a friend I have known for a long time...

Years ago, I officiated at the memorial service for his wife, a dear friend and fellow yoga teacher. But now, here we were, celebrating a more joyous occasion.

The wedding took place on a beautiful estate on the Eastern Shore, under a trellis, and very close to the water. Just as I was about to start, our breaths were taken away by the impromptu "fly over" by a flock of birds. I smiled, imagining that my friend, was bestowing her blessing, upon this union.

I also had the opportunity to visit with a former yoga student of mine, from many years back, and with another couple whose wedding I had also officiated at years before. This one was particularly memorable because the bride and groom arrived in matching vintage Porsches!

The wedding on the first of October, of 2011, was short and sweet in so many ways. I leave you with this wonderful piece by Kahlil Gibran, which was shared on this joyous occasion:

"Love has no other desire but to fulfill itself.
To wake at dawn with winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving.
To rest at the noon hour and meditate on love's ecstasy;
To return home at eventide with gratitude, and then sleep with a prayer
for the beloved in your heart and a song of praise upon your lips."

May this day and new month arise within you, as if it were a winged heart. May you be ever grateful for the gift of life, and another day of loving!

Divine Day at the River

2011-09-30T08:11:00.000-07:00

I begin this entry, at precisely 11:11 AM. For those into numerology, you know I begin it on an auspicious moment of perfection.

Every moment is perfect as it is. And every moment is auspicious. Each one comes bearing its own unique gifts, whether we have the eyes to see such things and the ears to hear them - or not...

I arose and went down to the river with Grace, my kayak, and a cup of coffee in tow. It has been such a long time since we've been able to go paddling because of my physical recovery from surgery, the constant rains of the last couple of weeks, and appointments that had been on my schedule for some time. But today, the universe conspired to assist me and grant me this wish! That, and the fact that an insightful dream last night very much indicated I must go in. And so I did, on this magnificent morning, where the gentle breeze and the warmth of the sun joined together to enshroud me in its canopy of healing magic.

There is nothing like the exhilaration of those first few moments when you push away, and surrendering to the river and its currents, you allow yourself to glide effortlessly, wherever you are led. You cannot push the river. But if you let go, and merge with its rhythm, you find this wonderful groove, between effort and surrender that is both blissful and delicious. And so, I floated for a while, slowing down to the present moment, and listening to the river's gentle teachings and reminders to me:

"What is real, is illusion;
What seems illusion can be real.

Be present in this moment, fully.
Everything that is, is.
And everything is perfect, as it is.

Let go, and
Accept everything.

Practice compassion and gratitude
More deeply in the coming year."

Timely lessons, for the moment. For this day. Timely lessons for any moment. For any day. Timely lessons on the last day of one month, and the eve of a new one.Timely lessons for the end of a year and the beginning of a new one. Timely lessons for every year.

Today, may you hear the messages that most speak to you!

Shanah Tovah and Shubh Navratri

2011-09-29T13:04:00.000-07:00

Today, my Jewish friends celebrate Rosh Hashanah, their New Year, by saying to each other, "Shanah Tovah," a beautiful greeting which means:

"May you be inscribed
in the book of life
for a good year."

According to Jewish tradition, God understands all languages, and the prayer that is conceived in one's heart always finds the way to God!

Today, my Hindu friends celebrate the Festival of the Nine Days of Navratri, commemorating the Divine in its Feminine Form, who dispels ignorance. It is a time when the Goddess can literally re-structure our thoughts and the patterns in our minds and grant us divine intelligence.

It is also a time, when good triumphs over evil, and true knowledge of the self is possible. And at this time, Hindus wish one another "Shubh Navratri," or Happy Navratri!

Today, is a good day. It is a day for celebrating life. Michael Berg, the Kabbalah Scholar beautifully explains the meaning of Rosh Hashanah, and it speaks to us all, in all places, and all times, and all religious traditions:

"Rosh Hashanah is an important time of the year; there are blessings available to every person during this time. It is the beginning of the lunar calendar year, and is therefore called the “head” (Rosh) or beginning of the Year (Hashanah). The Kabbalists also call this time the seed of the coming year. We know that the seed of a tree, even before it is planted, holds within it all the potential that the tree will become. It will take time even after the seed is planted for the tree to manifest its complete growth and potential. Nevertheless, the seed that was planted already determines much of what will grow and happen next. If you plant an apple seed, no matter what you do afterwards, you will not be able to grow an orange tree. This is what occurs on Rosh Hashanah; we are creating and planting the seeds for the coming year. We want to have a year filled with great blessings and happiness so we take the opportunity through our thoughts and actions now to draw all of the energy that we will manifest later. Everything that we do on the days of Rosh Hashanah (this Thursday and Friday) is meant to assist us in planting the right and best seeds for the blessings that we want and will need in the coming year.

Another beautiful teaching is that on this day everything is renewed. One of the greatest sources of unhappiness is that everything ages and becomes old. Usually we are more excited and in love in the beginning of a relationship than 10 years into the marriage. Many of the gifts that come into our lives are exciting and fulfilling in the beginning, but then they become old. Even if we still appreciate them, it is not usually with the same joy and vigor as in the beginning. But it does not have to be so. We can and are meant to renew ourselves, our relationships, our lives, and our blessings at least once a year. One of the gifts available to us on Rosh Hashanah is the ability to draw the energy of renewal to the important areas of our life. Think about the areas of your life that have become old, and blessings that you want to fulfill with the energy of renewal. Through this consciousness you draw the energy of newness into every area of your life.

There are many tools that we can use during the two days of Rosh Hashanah but there are two important connections that we can all make. The first is to take time during these two days and think about our past year, the good, the better, and the not so good. Then ask yourself, “What do I want to change from last year?”, “what do I want to make better?” Also, “what blessings do we want to draw for ourselves and our family in the next year?” The supernal gates open up during these two days and by opening ourselves up to the flow of light and energy from above we can receive endless blessings.

The second important connection is how we think and behave during Rosh Hashanah. If we desire to connect to the supernal energy that is revealed we should behave like the supernal light. We should act in only ways of sharing, forgiveness and care. No anger, no doubt, no jealousy, no sadness, at least for these two days. How we are during these two days will influence the next 363.

May we all be blessed with a wonderful new year and endless blessings for ourselves our families and the world. Shanah Tova."

May it be so! May you plant seeds for a new year. May you allow the Divine to shift your consciousness! May it be a year filled with wondrous dreams come true!

Purusha - Drawing in and Binding to Spirit

2011-09-27T13:51:00.000-07:00

What do you bind yourself to?

What do you call upon - or draw upon in a moment of need? Today, one friend is grieving a loss, my nephew celebrates a birthday, someone I know buried her husband, and a dear friend's spouse may receive dire news in the form of a potentially deadly diagnosis. Some of these individuals, are persons of faith. Some of these, right now, are drawing in and connecting to Spirit.

In my classes this week, I continued to draw up the wonderful book, The Path of the Yoga Sutras: A Practical Guide to the Core of Yoga by Nicolai Bachman.

The third concept or principle he discusses, is "purusa" often commonly written as "purusha." While this word is often translated as spirit, Bachman describes it as the pure inner light of awareness.

"Seated in our heart and pervading every cell of our body lies a conscious, intelligent awareness. Individual uniqueness is due to our temporary, ever-changing body, breath, and mind. These outer layers of ourselves surround an inner, divine light of awareness called the purusa, or atman, which illuminates the truth and expresses love and compassion."

One of my favorite quotes by Rumi powerfully reminds each one of us that:

"The whole universe is inside of you.
Ask all from yourself."

We are spirit at our essence. In fact, we are embodied spirits having a human experience. But our individual spirit, is one small aspect or expression of Spirit, which is changeless and eternal. In times of need, we draw in, and connect to Spirit. In the language of Anusara Yoga, this is referred to as Muscular Energy.

When we engage muscle energy, we tap into our inner resources - we connect with the Universal which resides inside of us. We have access to a power and a Source for whom all things are possible. Indeed, we open to possibilities and resources we never knew we had.

I am reminded of this quote by Emily Dickinson:

"Dwell in possibility."

Today, tap into your inner resources. Hug in. Connect with Spirit. When you do - you find strength. And balance. Just like in your practice. In your poses. In your meditation. In your life.

Autumn Arrival

2011-09-24T10:52:00.000-07:00

I have so wanted to write all week - but this was my first full week back to my regular teaching schedule - and it was filled with wonders, and blessings, and unexpected sorrows and occurrences as well...

Twice, in this past week, I woke up to fog and with a cup of coffee in tow, headed very quickly before the start of my busy day to the river. On both occasions, the water spilled into the sky, and the heavens melted into the river - so seamlessly that no discernible or tangible boundaries or edges between the two was evident.

"And God said, Let there be a firmament
in the midst of the waters,
and it divide the waters from the waters.

And God made the firmament,
and divided the waters
which were under the firmament
from the waters which were
above the firmament: and it was so.

And God called the firmament Heaven.
And the evening and morning were
the second day.

And God said, Let the waters under the heaven
be gathered together unto one place,
and let the dry land appear: and it was so.

And God called the dry land Earth;
and the gathering together of the waters
called the Seas: and God saw that it was good."
~ Genesis 1:6 - 10

The blending of the skies, the river, and the land - reminded me - that everything and everyone is simply one - we are all made of the same substance, by the same One, in Whom we are all one. And yet, it is something we simply forget all of the time...

I was not able, on either one of these days to paddle in the river, though my heart so yearned to come into the river and bless myself in its sanctified waters, and my soul desired to lose itself in this breathtaking and endless sea of gray without borders or markers of any kind...

It was not to be. Instead, I plunged into the many activities and responsibilities awaiting me, on this first week of returning to work, culminating with the commencement of the autumn season.

It was a week filled with flats, and replacing tires on two sets of cars - of tragic news received from a dearly beloved friend, perhaps an ominous arrival of something predicted many years before - though hope prevails and may ultimately triumph - through the gift and healing of many prayers offered.

It was a week that witnessed the reunion of three mystical souls, marked by the auspiciousness of a rainy day, as we feasted our senses in a delightful art exhibition, followed by fellowship and lunch, where each one of us resonated with shared pain and sorrow. In the midst of spoken and unspoken prayers, we simply reclaimed another world.

It was a week filled with so much busyness converging on life and encroaching on stillness from every possible corner - and so filled with thoughtfulness and meaning, and gentle reminders, that now is the the only time there is to simply be present - to ourselves and to each other...

And so, I leave you with two quotes I read this morning, and two wonderful reminders of the gift of autumn. Though, I did not make it into the river this week,

"The voice of the river
that has emptied into the Ocean
now laughs and sings
just like God."
~ Hafiz

"May little blessings grow
into waves of grace."

Fall Song

Another year gone, leaving everywhere
its rich spiced residues: vines, leaves,

the uneaten fruits crumbling damply
in the shadows, unmattering back

from the particular island
of this summer, this NOW, that now is nowhere

except underfoot, moldering
in that black subterranean castle

of unobservable mysteries - roots and sealed seeds
and the wanderings of water. This

I try to remember when time's measure
painfully chafes, for instance when autumn

flares out at the last, boisterous and like us longing
to stay - how everything lives, shifting

from one bright vision to another, forever
in these momentary pastures.

~ Mary Oliver ~

Autumn

O Lord, it is time
The summer was so vast
Put your shadows on the sundials
And in the fields let the wind loose.

Order the last fruits to become ripe
Give them two more sunny days
Push them to fulfillment
And force the last sweetness
into the heavy wine.

He who has no house now will not build one
He who is alone will be so
for a long time to come
Will stay awake, read,
write long letters
And restlessly walk in the park
among the blown leaves.

~ Ranier Maria Rilke

Citta - Opening the Heart-Mind Field of Consciousness

2011-09-19T09:51:00.000-07:00

Last week, I began my yoga classes with the first sutra from Patanjali's Yoga Sutras. Today, I began with a key word from the second sutra, or verse, which is commonly translated as something like:

"Yoga is the cessation of the fluctuations of the mind."

Or, as one of my favorites renditions by Alistair Shearer:

"Yoga is the settling of the mind into silence."

The word "citta" is often translated as "mind," though in his new book, The Path of the Yoga Sutras: A Practical Guide to the Core of Yoga, Nicolai Bachman, describes "citta" as "heart-mind field of consciousness," which I find absolutely delicious!

So, today in my classes, I continued working with the First Universal Principle of Alignment in Anusara Yoga - which is "Opening to Grace." I chose to work with the aspects of "Inner body bright and side body long," and began my centering by having my dear Monday morning students, envision the sun rising in their hearts. I asked them to imagine themselves becoming more luminous and expansive as the sun rose and shone brightly in their hearts - expanding their side bodies with this light.

I also noted, that when we open our minds and hearts - and our bodies in this way - we widen our perceptual lens - we shift the way we see and understand the world. We may even consider other perspectives that are much different than our own, and see the value in them as well.

Bachman begins the chapter on "chitta" with this wonderful quote from the Lakota:

"The power of the Universe will come to your assistance,
if your heart and mind are in Unity."

Bachman notes that "we are all conditioned by our experience." And, our "heart-mind sits between the ever-changing outside world and an inner light of awareness. This inner light never changes, and it represents a pure, unconditional love. A heart-mind sullied with mental-emotional baggage prevents the inner light from shining through."

When we practice, we let go of what does not serve, and allow that inner light to shine through. By "opening to grace," we become expansive - not only in our bodies - but in our hearts and minds. Our inner luminosity enables us to widen our perceptual lens, perhaps even more than we imagined or thought capable.

In the aftermath of surgery, as I have shared before, I have been able to shed fears, limitations, longings, and attachments, in a way I could not have envisioned. Truly, my perspective has been broadened, and in a very real sense, there is no script for my life as it is right now.

A practice that begins from a premise that not only invites us - but challenges us to "open to grace" is indeed transformational, in ways that are often unforeseen.

Today, open to grace. Connect with your inner luminosity as you open your hearts and your minds. In every task, deed and thought - become as expansive as you can. Let the sun rise in your heart!

Atha - Now is the Time for Yoga

2011-09-14T09:23:00.001-07:00

I began teaching yoga again this week, after two months of resting and recuperating after surgery. I decided to use as my theme, the first sutra in Patanjali's Yoga Sutras - "atha yoga nusasanam," or, "Now is the time for yoga."

Every fall we say goodbye to the summer, and we greet the nascent season, by saying yes to our practice once again. When we begin anything - a project, a degree, a school, a job - there is an initial hesitancy, and fear - and enthusiasm - as we embrace what will be - but what is also, not yet...

When we are ready, the universe conspires to assist us in undertaking whatever task or desire we have at hand...

The new book, The Path of the Yoga Sutras: A Practical Guide to the Core of Yoga, by Nicolai Bachman, develops key concepts of the Yoga Sutras, in order to shed light on the these simple, pithy directives and assertions.

The word "atha" - implies readiness and commitment on our part. The first chapter of this book begins with the following quotation from Goethe:

"Until one is committed, there is a hesitancy, the chance to draw back. The moment one definitely commits oneself then Providence moves too. All sorts of things occur to help one that would otherwise never have occurred. Whatever you can do, or dream you can, begin it. Boldness has genius, power and magic in it."

The first two paragraphs in Bachman's book wisely observe:

"Beginnings, like endings, can be difficult or exciting. Starting something new implies change, a step toward an eventual goal. Atha is the very first word in the Yoga Sutras and is considered an auspicious way to begin. Whenever we make an important decision, often the universe will energetically support us.

Atha here means beginning the study of who we are, where we are, and how we can make incremental changes to our inner and outer self in order to be...more in tune with how we feel and how our actions affect those around us..."

The third paragraph continues by noting:

"Learning, practicing, and integrating the various aspects of yoga happens over a long period of time and requires patience and perseverance."

This is especially true for those of us with a "come and go" or "ebb and flow" relationship with yoga - which indeed, all of us experience at one point or another.

When we say yes - we "Open to Grace," the First Universal Principle of Alignment of Anusara Yoga. We cannot say yes without being open to what will come. We cannot say yes without embodying what is, and giving birth to what will be. We recognize that the time for yoga - for beginning anything - for saying yes - for embracing our readiness and embodying our commitment is in the NOW - in the sacredness of the present moment, which is the only moment there is.

Today - say yes. Embrace and embody the Now. Say it! Now is the time! Now is the time to do this or that. Now is the time for yoga!

Looking for the Good

2011-09-10T13:18:00.000-07:00

We have just concluded a week of non-stop rains, remnants of a residual storm, arriving on the heels of an earthquake and hurricane. I've heard many exasperated people throw up their hands and ask, "What next, the plague?"

While the rains were much needed in this area, it seemed somehow unfair we could not share our bounty with the poor folks in Texas. They have undergone record heat, and uncontrolled fires from extreme dry weather.

I know it is much easier to be pessimistic, but I try to look for the good when I can.

I thoroughly delighted in the rains, and walking in it, getting soaked to the bone. After so much dry weather, it was a welcome respite. I imagined myself in deep cleansing - making out with the old, and in with the new - following on the purging and cleansing just transpiring in my own house, and now mostly concluded. After giving my home a simple make over, that included some small decorating touches and new blinds and a new garage door, I immediately sensed a different flow in the energy within my house that not only affected my mood, and my husband's as well (though he would never admit it) but which also had an impact on my meditations.

We can allow ourselves to be overwhelmed by what we cannot control and what we do not want - or we can accept and love what is - and see the good in it.

As an Anusara yoga teacher, I have been trained to look for the good. And as I prepare to start a new season of teaching and a much busier fall season than I experienced this summer - and while I may also be nostalgic of the past weeks of very slow, soulful living - I choose to look for the good - knowing all that delicious time was merely a preparation for what is to come.

There is something good in every experience and challenge, if we are willing to see it that way. Today, and everyday, take a moment, to look for the good.

Everything that Begins, Ends

2011-09-05T14:39:00.000-07:00

Everything that begins, ends - like a delightful book. And everything that ends, gives rise to a new beginning...

I curl up with a good book until I finish it, in the gentle afternoon rain, on this Labor Day, grateful that I had two months to myself, to heal from surgery, and step away from responsibilities.

I reflect on the experiences and insights I have had, the time for quiet, and putting my house in order, tackling jobs I had set aside for months and even years...

I finish a season, and conclude a portion or phase of my life, characterized by slow and mindful living, soon to plunge deeply into weeks and months of increased busyness, classes, and other responsibilities, and yet, there is a part of me that is already missing what was, and yet is also truly understanding we must always love and accept what is...

I leave behind what was, and what gave birth to a new way of living and being, which now spills over into what is - re-structuring, re-ordering, and re-designing the parameters of my well ordered life - that I will navigate like a different river, explored for the first time...

Now is the time to move forward. Now is the time for growth...

And while it may appear that things will once more be as they were, they truly cannot be, for I am not the same. Those wonderful weeks of healing and recuperating allowed me to plumb depths within that had not been explored or visited in a long time. Slow interior growth, sprung forth in valleys that had lain fallow for such a long time...

I do not know what comes next. But, I know it is another chapter. I can sense it. I can feel it. Nothing ever, truly remains the same.

And so, I end one more book in the series a dear friend gifted me with earlier this summer. I have one more volume left, and one more week, somewhat to myself. In a matter of days, the volumes will have been finished, and the books put aside. The cleaning and purging of my house, will also be be finished for the time being. The memory of summer will linger on, though the season itself will be part of the past.

Everything that begins, ends. To everything in life, there is a season. The days are already markedly shorter, and the mornings much darker. It is time to set aside what was, and step more fully into the nascent fall season, and what is. It is time to open to grace once more, and receive the gifts of a new season, a new life, new students, and new opportunities...

New Beginnings and a New Guitar

2011-09-01T12:02:00.000-07:00

Emptying has a way of creating space...

Spaciousness often gives rise to new songs that spontaneously germinate within, and so I felt "compelled" once again, to get myself another guitar, this time, a Cordoba studio "Flamenco" nylon/electric, which sings so very sweetly and deeply! And, I got it at a substantial discount! I hearkened back to my classical roots, by making a new friend from that world...

I spent about 45 minutes playing "her," in a quiet little room of Spanish acoustic guitars, going back and forth between two, but the Cordoba won out.

While I was in the store, I ran into Gene, the guy who sold me the Little Martin, a little over a month ago. He remembered what I had bought and we chatted. I bonded with another woman, also buying a guitar, and she came over to tenderly admire my new friend. We talked about how important it is to energetically connect with a guitar.

And so, Saraswati Cecilia, came home with me. Saraswati is the Hindu goddess of knowledge, wisdom and the arts. She is often portrayed with a stringed instrument sitting across her thighs. My new guitar will be called "Saraswati," Just as my Little Martin is "Cecilia."

In a life now made more spacious, I will enjoy dancing and singing my way into this fall, as I look forward to it unfolding its many gifts!

I am now off, to teach my first yoga class in two months! And, I am a little nervous!

Out With the Old and In With the New

2011-08-31T15:10:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow, it will be 8 weeks since I had surgery, and just as long since I've "officially" taught a yoga class. In the time since, I've had several weeks of down time to recuperate, sleep, and read, and the last few weeks, I have been furiously cleaning, purging, simplifying, and letting go of mementos, family heirlooms, and all sorts of things I've held on to for one reason or another.

Energetically, I am being called to be in a different place. Correction: I AM in a different place and vibration, and everything around me needs to reflect this.

Tomorrow, I will also sub for the first time since my classes came to an end with the spring session. It will be a way to test the waters, stepping into the current of grace once again, though I have really never left it. And so, I will "end" a session that I did not teach, with my eye on the fall session right around the corner.

While I feel like a banshee, madly doing all I am at the moment, I also know it will clear my space and time dramatically once the fall is here. I know that my work has already borne fruit because the guy that came to measure for my new blinds today, walked in the door, and immediately said: "Wow! There is good energy in this house! Lot's of open space. No clutter!" And as he walked throughout the house, he kept complementing me on the space I had created. Hummm!

And so, I posted this on Facebook before showering and meditating. Now it is on to dinner and a drink, and rejoicing in a job well done. I am grateful for this incredible summer which has been a gift of healing in so many different ways!

"House cleaned and dusted. Done!
De-cluttered. Done!
Every drawer and every closed cleaned
and made lean - purged of half its contents. Done!
Donations made and picked up. Done!
Storage room emptied and 3/4 of space reclaimed. Done!
Blinds measured for installation next week. Done!
Quote requests sent out for a new car. Done!"

I Felt the Earth Move Under My Feet

2011-08-26T09:09:00.000-07:00

We live in very interesting times indeed...

So we are told, by intuitives, psychics and scientists alike...

On Tuesday, I literally "felt the earth move under my feet," as Carole King once sang - and was ready for "the sky to come tumbling down," as I ran to the basement in a state of confusion, once I fully realized what was going on. My son reminded me, the basement is for tornadoes. You run outside if there is an earthquake. And truly, I've been through them before, but not in at least, three decades...

This earthquake was significant, because I live in Virginia, about an hour from the epicenter. The quake registered a 5.9, and was felt up and down the Eastern seaboard.

Today, we prepare for what may be the worst hurricane to hit some areas in decades.

Is there a hidden message in all of this? Many can be drawn, but this simple quote that Marianne Williamson posted today, says it all for me:

‎"When in the midst of outer chaos,
seek the inner peace of God.
Your inner peace is the power
that will then end the outer war."
~ Marianne Williamson

I realized, as the ground was shaking, in a way that had not occurred in this area in a century or more, that I could still come undone pretty easily. I shook like a leaf afterward. So much for being prepared to die at any moment. I even forgot to say my "dying mantra" which I have rehearsed over and over again over the years.

Life can be gone in an instant. I mindful of this, when I reflect on the news that Steve Jobs resigned as CEO of Apple because of his health. This hit close to home for many reasons, not the least of which is the fact we are the same age. And then, there was also the announcement by Pat Summit, the coach of the women's basketball team at the University of Tennessee, that she had been diagnosed with early onset Alzheimer's. This, coming from a woman who has won more basketball games than any other man or woman!

We do not know the moment or the hour, but in each one, we should live as if our every breath were our last one. We should make each moment count. Our meditation, yoga, and spiritual practices enable us to remember this - even if we do forget it momentarily in an earthquake!

The Guru is in You

2011-08-22T11:59:00.000-07:00

Today, devout Hindus celebrate "Janmashtami" - the birthday of Lord Krishna, a most beloved deity, who gave us the gift of yoga and its enlightening practices...

I thought of this, as I carried Grace, my kayak, down to the river this morning. It was breezy, and the beginning of a busy day for me. The waters were very choppy and I paddled vigorously upstream until I reached the point of the first island. This is an area I have not revisited for almost a year and half. I saw a number of noble blue herons, and one actually "waited" for me at the boat launch, when I was coming out of the water, and then flew upstream, where I had been.

While I was out on the water, I reflected on the writings of Yogani, which can be found on the Advanced Yoga Practices website. This wonderful teacher has chosen to disseminate many esoteric yogic and meditation teachings - that were previously passed on from teacher to student - in order to make them more accessible to the general population. This teacher and practitioner very much believes that we stand at a critical juncture in our development and we must share spiritual teachings with one another, passing on useful practices and knowledge to others who may need them. This is possible because ultimately we are all teachers and students to one another.

Yogani ends all of "his" or "her" lessons with the simple statement - "The guru is in you." To me, this simply means and implies, that the essence of the Divine is within all of us, and accessible to us, if we trust our intuition.

However, we must do the necessary spiritual practices and commit ourselves to a life of meditation if we are to experience this communion with the Divine. Only then, can we trust that this "Voice" within our hearts will lead the way...

Paramahansa Yogananda has beautifully spoken of the path of meditation in his Spiritual Diary the last few days. I share some excerpts here:

"By meditation we connect the little joy of the soul with the vast joy of the Spirit. Meditation should not be confused with ordinary concentration... Meditation is that special form of concentration in which the attention has been liberated from restlessness and is focused on God. Meditation, therefore, is concentration used to know God...

Remember that the longer you practice meditation with intensity, the nearer you will be to joyous contact with the silent God. Intensity consists in making every today's meditation deeper than yesterday's and every tomorrow's meditation deeper than today's...

Do not say: 'Tomorrow I will meditate longer.' You will suddenly find that a year has passed without fulfillment of your good intentions. Instead say: 'This can wait, and that can wait, but my search for God cannot wait.'"

The guru is in you...

You are the very embodiment of the Guru - but your relationship to the Divine must permeate and color every aspect of your life. Only then, will your teachings and knowledge, and love flow from that Everlasting Source - a fountain that will satisfy your every need.

Delve deeper into your communion with the Divine. And share everything from that place in your heart.

Peace

2011-08-19T04:36:00.000-07:00

It's been a quiet week of deep interior cleansing - on emotional, spiritual and physical fronts...

I prepare for my first and long overdue colonoscopy later this morning. But I have also cleansed myself of possessions - as I engage in the process of divesting myself of long held things which I now choose to give away - weeding out half of my closet and drawers, and even selling a substantial percentage of my gold jewelry.

Some of these pieces were passed down to me by my grandmother, but somehow, I sense her urging me, that it is time to let them go. I realize later, that I chose to sell these items on the very day that was the 16th anniversary of her passing from this life into eternity. Somehow, this incredible woman of faith reminded me, that we cannot take anything along with us on our ultimate journey.

I wish to do nothing more and nothing less - than to simply, lighten my load...

And my reduce my footprint as well...

I have said to many, that my surgery has had more of an energetic impact on me than a physical one...

It comes to me, that Buddhist and Hindu sages, and Christian mystics were right. The path to freedom and ultimate peace lies in letting go...

And as often happens in my reading, I came across some beautiful insights from Sally Kempton and Anthony de Mello, that reminded me of the true nature of peace...

"When you allow yourself to consciously enter the state of vulnerability, you find that its heart is peace." Sally Kempton

"Peace is your true protection, your invulnerable core." Sally Kempton

"Even in the deepest sorrow, there is deepest peace." Sally Kempton

"Let all anxieties cease, and let peace take over, for in God's hands, is our peace". Anthony de Mello

Today, seek peace. Receive peace. Embody peace. And reflect peace - into every darkened corner and every needed heart!

A New Song in My Heart

2011-08-14T09:38:00.000-07:00

The days ebb and flow, like the tide, slowly, and gently...

Life has truly slowed down to the crawl of each present moment and there is no place and no time where God is not...

I enjoy my days, filled with so much freedom, and devoid of commitments...

Rumi's wisdom, comes to me from across the ages, speaking to my heart, acknowledging that the current rhythm of my life is healing and what is needed. I enjoy each breath, and a new lease on life, and taste freedom in each breath, and in each moment spent in the company of friends, loved ones, and whomever the Spirit sends:

"The motion of the body,
the inhaling and exhaling,
comes from the spirit...

When you are not with close friends,
you are not in the Presence...

Be a pilgrim to the kaaba inside,
and Mecca will rise into view on its own..."

These words come to me in the early morning, and I carry them in my heart, as my husband and I go to explore Euro Cafe, with our various Sunday papers. It is less busy there, than our local Starbuck's and much quieter as well...

The barista knows each of his clients by name and their drink of choice. He strikes up interesting conversations with them that are hard to ignore, and that lure me in, drawing my attention away from my reading. When I leave, he asks me how my coffee was. I tell him, it is the best cappuccino I have had since Vancouver or Europe, and he nods to me in gratitude.

I come home, and a dear friend bids me to read an except from Yogani, and I am drawn to this sentence:

"The best way to become enlightened
is to do our daily yoga practices...
All we have to do is sit
in our meditation room every day,
and then go out and give our love away."

Truly, what else is there to do? What could be more important?

Life is full, and deep and rich, and each day arrives bearing its own gifts and mysteries...

There is a new song in my heart, and with the support of my new guitar, whom I have named Cecilia Saraswati, I begin to give voice to music the universe has never heard before...

Aligning With Grace in the Water

2011-08-09T16:42:00.000-07:00

I come into the river because I am cleared for all activities, having made a recovery nothing short of remarkable, barely a full month after surgery...

I come into the river because I can and because I want to...The river calls me...

I come into the river to align more deeply with grace...

I don my "Aligning with Grace" cap, and haul Grace, my trusty kayak, that has seen me through depression and tremendous growth these last few years - navigating me through the rough waters of isolation and connection - steering me through waves of grief and death and subsequent rebirth - and together we launch into this river that has been a silent witness to it all...

I come into this river much sooner than I ever could have imagined, with an incredible lightness of being and soul, and float in the stillness for a while. I drink in the silence, interrupted occasionally by a bass flapping as it happily jumps out of the water, and a blue heron flying over me, once more bidding me to paddle downstream...

I come into the river and give thanks for so many things - for a wonderful doctor and all who took care of me - and for the incredible healers and bodyworkers who worked with me these last few years, preparing me for this moment...

I send a blessing to someone who emailed me anonymously yesterday, and feels that my own spiritual journey is misguided. I share the experience with a friend, telling her, that I chose to respond with compassion...

I send blessings to all those I have wronged, and those who have wronged me as well...

I drink in the stillness, and delight in the gift of embodiment, mindful of a teacher who has striven to make me see and experience this gift. I recall words read yesterday, as I waited for my doctor to give me a clean bill of health and clear me to resume a more active lifestyle. She not only does this, but tells me, I do not need to return for another year...

"What does it mean to be embodied? Doesn't it mean to be given form? We have been gifted with a particular body. It is who we are in part - but not the whole story...

Our bodies can help us and can be avenues of prayer, for God is there in us closer than our hands or our feet. Having bodies we are invited to be incarnated spirit. We can come to learn to be conscious of our bodies as holy, as homes for spirit. That awareness can change how we live.

Our bodies are always with us, faithful companions to the end. They tell our stories - how we treasure or do not treasure the gift of them. Through our bodies we can participate in God's world or trash and disregard it.

To be full alive, fully embodied is a living prayer."
(Gunilla Norris, Simple Ways: Toward the Sacred)

I come into the river and to a new experience of embodiment - something that was removed within - created more space and lightness - and has ushered in a new era of living for me. I have been given a new lease on life...

I come out of the water, refreshed and joyous that I had the river all to myself. I went into the river to commune with it, and the Divine, and to baptize myself anew. Who knows what the future may bring? I do not know, but I am open to all it shall bring, as I once more utter the simple prayer of surrender I offer every day: "Oh Lord, I lay all at your feet. Let it be done through me according to Your Will."

And I enjoy the rest of the afternoon, whittling away hours at Starbucks with a dear friend and student - both of us stepping into new lives...

I go into the river because I can - but I do it mostly, to give thanks, to drink in its peace and wisdom, and to align with grace.

Trusting the Wisdom Within

2011-08-07T12:54:00.001-07:00

I drove over to the other side of my beloved river this glorious Sunday morning for a yoga class for the first time - not quite three and half weeks after surgery. I was going to observe a class taught by a wonderful Inspired Anusara Yoga teacher. I did not think I would actually do all of the class - perhaps just some poses here and there. It was a Level 1-2 class that ended up being perfectly sequenced for me, and consisted of very basic poses that we worked very deeply.

After all, what is advanced yoga? Just the other day, I read this quote on Facebook by Lois Nesbitt, who was my own assessor and mentor in my certification as an Anusara Yoga teacher years ago, and who currently serves with me on the Anusara Yoga Curriculum Committee:

"Advanced poses do not make an advanced yogi. You have to work this thing from the inside out. Otherwise, head for Cirque de Soleil."

And this coming, from one of the most advanced practitioners that I know! So, we worked as advanced yogis today - doing work that was deep and nuanced in basic poses.

On my drive over, I reflected on all the changes I've experienced since my surgery. Many of them are quite personal, but I will share that as a result, I've experienced profound change. For example, I was no longer able to wear my "rudrasksha malas," or any of the jewelry I had worn for years - for they were so infused with a different kind of energy that in many ways was heavier, and more karmic. The only pieces that wanted to stay on me where my gold "OM" pendant I had especially commissioned for myself, and my medal of "Miraculous Mary," that had come from her Chappelle in Paris. Her healing energy has assisted me dramatically in this past year, since she made her presence known to me, in two significant dreams.

There are other more subtle changes too - experiences of an incredible sense of lightness and freedom, spaciousness - and an absence of fear.

In my last entry, I wrote about the right timing of my surgery. I have always trusted my inner wisdom, even when others try to impose their own on me. The only times I have ever gotten into trouble in this life, is when I have allowed someone else to impose their viewpoint - and override my own. And while there are many yoga friends of mine who have recently weighed in on what I should - or should not do at this point in my recovery - I have trusted the wisdom of my own body at every turn. I have "listened" - just as I listened to my body tell me that my ovaries wanted to stay in and not be removed during surgery.

I was delighted to be observing Natalie Miller's class at Willow Street Yoga Center. I believe that the stars and the universe conspired to get me there today. The theme of this class was perfect for me - as was the sequencing, and it felt delicious in every way to be there.

Natalie's theme was derived from the first line of the Anusara Yoga Invocation: "OM Namah Shivaya Gurave," which she weaved seamlessly throughout the class as she worked on the action of "shins in/thighs out." I jotted down many insightful comments from her exquisite centering and class which was both inspiring, and truly a spiritual practice in every way. Her words were meant for her students, but I heard them as though they were meant for me, and so I paraphrase here...

"OM Namah Shivaya Gurave - I honor the Supreme goodness within and all around me... I sign myself up to experience everything as good because of the next part - 'Gurave' - which has two meanings... A guru is one is weighty - he/she is the one who is heavy as a result of a lot of practice. But the other meaning is - the one who takes and transmutes the darkness into the light - because this is the one who is the true teacher...

The action of "shins in/thighs out" - is a quality of muscular energy which provides stability - and it is also an embodiment of the first line of the Invocation - "OM Namah Shivaya, because it is saying - 'I honor the parts of Shiva - of the Divine - that resides in all things.' Engaging the shins says - 'I want to access the power that lies within me so I can go deeper.' Widening the thighs is an affirmation that 'I want to incorporate all the parts of myself into the practice so that I can know who I am more deeply.'"

Time and time again, Natalie referred to the "Gurave moment" in the practice - where we trust our inner wisdom - realizing that we are all in a different place.

One of my principle teachers, Maria Hamburger, has impressed on me time and time again, throughout the years, the need and importance of embodiment in the practice. Another one of my principle teachers, who is my current and regular teacher - Suzie Hurley - ever the wise one - and the director of Willow Street Yoga Center - has encouraged me constantly as I have struggled the last three years in the physical practice. She has shown her light and her enthusiasm every step of the way - without judgment - in a very loving way - and within the context of the safe, warm, and healing environment she provides in her classroom.

Trust your inner wisdom... All three of these wonderful teachers have reminded me of this. I cannot begin to express how blessed I feel to be part of this community of extraordinary teachers. I cannot begin to express my gratitude for the larger Anusara Yoga community, anchored in the vision of its founder, my primary teacher, John Friend.

I drove home, full. I drove home inspired and filled with awe and bliss, bordering on ecstasy. I drove home filled with gratitude to experience my first class so soon after major surgery, feeling energized, and filled with light and goodness, the heart qualities that Natalie highlighted.

How blessed and lucky am I to once more have confirmed the importance of trusting the wisdom within!

Perfect Timing

2011-08-05T08:37:00.000-07:00

This morning, after a long walk, I went down to the river in my crocs so that I could step inside and wade for a while. I knew that doing so would be immensely "grounding" and healing, and it was the best that I could do for now, until I am cleared for kayaking again.

As I made it down to the boat ramp with a cup of coffee in tow, I met a really elderly woman coming out of the river herself. She immediately lit up a cigarette, and we struck up a conversation.

I could tell from her speech and her gait, that she had perhaps suffered a stroke at some point, and yet here she was, hauling her ocean kayak out of the water. I apologized for not being able to help her, but almost immediately, a wonderful man came to this woman's aid. He was accompanied by two rambunctious Jack Russell dogs - who proceeded to happily dash into the water and splash about.

This woman, truly weathered by life and who knows what else, still had a gleam in her eye. We talked about the river, kayaking, and she told me how in the past, when the river was very low, people actually walked out to the islands!

She had come to river early in the morning to escape the heat. There was a gentle breeze, but she noted that when she arrived the river was still, and like a plate of glass. Her timing had been perfect for her.

I have been reflecting on the perfect timing of my surgery, ever since I had a session with my gifted craniosacral therapist, Suzanne Scurlock-Durana, on Monday. Everything had conspired and come together in the appropriate manner for my surgery and my subsequent healing.

I recently read several articles, one of them in an AARP newsletter, how July is the worst possible time to schedule a surgery. There is a turn over in staff, and more mistakes occur. But, for me, it really was the perfect time. It was even a full moon! I was the first surgery on my doctor's schedule, and she had recently returned from a vacation. She is very laid back and always takes the time to listen to what I have to say, and answers all my questions, and so on.

I know that going to a hospital is no vacation, but I have to say - of the four times I have ever been in a hospital - three involving surgical procedures, and one to deliver my son - this was the only one I felt was truly positive in every way.

The anesthesiologist took the time to listen to my concerns. Every single time I've had a procedure, I have gotten sick and nauseous. He explained that he would take that to heart and make sure I did not have that experience again. And, I never once experienced nausea or got sick!

All of the nurses were wonderful - caring, attentive, and on top of things. And so, I took the time afterward, to write everybody a "Thank You" card.

I "knew" at least a year before this surgery, I might be going down this route. But, I never rushed it. Not even when it was suggested to me that I hurry the process along. I knew I wanted to schedule it in the summer, so that I could take the time off, and last summer, the timing did not feel right to me. It was a long journey to this moment in time, but I felt that everything unfolded as it should have. I had also spent 8 years trying all sorts of alternative therapies in addition to seeking out the opinions of medical specialists. I weighed all my options, and discussed fully with my doctor what kind of a hysterectomy I would have, and I was fully involved in every step of the process.

I've known Suzanne over a dozen years, and reconnected with her again in the last couple, as we slowly and systematically worked at getting to the bottom of what was going on in my body. Even though I do have spinal stenosis, a degeneration of the spine, she felt quite strongly that this huge calcified fibroid sitting on my sacrum was a bigger culprit in the amount of pain I experienced. And over the years, my own OB-GYN always noted the presence of this fibroid as well. We even tried less invasive procedures over the years, before deciding on removing the uterus and fibroid.

I share this, because Suzanne has always felt, that other women may benefit from hearing my story.

The important thing here is, to trust your intuition. There is a perfect timing for every decision one makes!

I've included the most recent blog entry by Suzanne on our experience this week, and my own entry in June, as we dialogued with my body, and the decision become clear about how extensive the surgery should be:

Perfect Timing (Suzanne's entry)

The Body Speaks (my entry in June)

Extending KIndness

2011-08-01T14:38:00.000-07:00

A new month arrives and with it the opportunity to start something new, and leave other things behind...

In a few short weeks, the school season will begin once more, and summer will gradually fade into fall, which is one of my favorite times of the year.

Today, I received two separate messages about kindness. It was a reminder to me to be more mindful of the opportunities that come knocking on my door to exercise more kindness. And so, I share them here with you, in hopes that you too, may be moved to extend kindness to others throughout this month.

Kindness: Pass It On!

Give a flower.
Eat with someone new.
Listen with your heart.
Visit a sick friend.
Offer a hug.
Give an unexpected gift.
Make a new friend.
Pick up litter.
Say "hello."
Call a lonely person.
Open a door.
Help carry a load.
Plant a tree.
Pass a kindness on.
Buy someone's meal.
Cheer a friend.
Thank a teacher.
Give blood.
Read to a child.
Do one kind act every day.
Leave a thank you note.
Offer your seat.
Tip generously.
Be tolerant.
Let another go first.
Bake cookies for emergency workers.
Tutor a student.
Give a compliment.
Pay the next driver's toll.
Lend a hand.
Give a balloon to a child.
Offer a ride.
Celebrate the day.
Respect others.
Encourage a child.
Walk a dog.
Do a favor.
Forgive mistakes.
Drive courteously.
Share a smile

"Kindness in words creates confidence.
Kindness in thinking creates profoundness.
Kindess in giving creates love."
~ Lao Tzu

Making A New and Joyful Sound

2011-07-31T11:33:00.000-07:00

In so many ways it feels like a new life to me, after surgery. And a new life is best expressed in new sounds...

A lifetime ago, I trained as a classical guitarist, starting to play at 9, taking my first lessons at 12, and continuing them in college, where I minored in music in addition to my two majors, Religious Studies and Psychology.

For many years, I was absorbed in practicing, writing music, and playing at the various colleges and universities I attended, and where I also worked in Campus Ministry. But in my late twenties, some time after having my son, all that stopped, since I really no longer had the time to play. So I did something radical. Since I did not feel I could adequately practice, I quit playing altogether, and hung my guitar on the wall. And there it remained, until a dear friend of mine, a former musician, simply looked at me and said to me in horror: "You've hung your guitar on the wall? Like a piece of art?"

So, I took it down and made a foray or two back into playing briefly, but I still didn't make the time to practice and frankly, to relearn everything...

A week ago today, I attended a concert with this very friend who challenged me about hanging my guitar on the wall. We had both followed Mindy Smith for years, and we delighted in our front row seats where we could literally interact with her. I was consumed with Mindy's playing and the joy she exuded. I remembered that feeling...

Later in the week, some friends who are also musicians and teachers visited me. We got to talking about guitars, and before I knew it, I went to bed dreaming of guitars. One made its presence known in my heart.

And so yesterday I went in search of this guitar, and found "her," a 3/4 "Little Martin," and brought her home. I had never owned a steel stringed guitar before.

The sales guy who graciously helped me laughed when I refused a pick and propped the little Martin on my left thigh, instantly knowing I had been "classically" trained. And though I tried other guitars, I kept gravitating back to this one, though I bought the one that no one had ever played before, straight out of its box, and not the one hanging on the wall...

I bought this guitar for me. To make a joyful and new sound unto the Lord. I did not buy it to play professionally, or for anyone else. And only my dear friend, with whom I attended the Mindy Smith concert, was able to recognize this, when she acknowledged that a new friend had come into my life. She knew that I would now make "Divine Music:"

"How exciting! A new friend to welcome in the new era. The Martin sounds just perfect. It will bring you much joy to play for the love of playing. For you. What you want to hear. For your heart. For God. Enjoy every minute of getting to know her."

Yes - it was not about playing for others It was all about praying in a new way - in a way my heart had prayed for many years.

In the words of St. Irenaeus: "[S]he who sings, prays twice."

I cannot explain how symbolic surgery has been for me. Something ended, and something began. My dreams are filled with images of dying, and rising and giving birth. It is all very interesting to me and I have a sense that its meaning will unfold in due time.

For now, I am going to quietly enjoy my new friend and companion. I think I am going to call her "Cecilia Saraswati" - in honor of the Christian patroness and Hindu goddess of music and the arts.

Cherishing Ordinary Moments

2011-07-29T12:21:00.001-07:00

Life is filled with ordinary moments which we notice, when we allow life to slow down to a crawl.

Life these days is filled with long walks, reading several newspapers from cover to cover - yes - the old fashioned way - in print of all things - and time is also spent losing myself in novels, and enjoying fine wines and home cooked meals.

Life is filled with interacting with friends and loved ones, either online or through visits, or phone calls, or other ways.

Sunday, I met dear friends at a concert. That was the most dramatic thing I'd done since surgery. I went to hear Mindy Smith, whose music my friends and I had been following for several years.

Today I came across this quote from Rumi, which seemed so appropriate for this time in my life right now:

"Observe the wonders as they occur around you.
Do not claim them.
Feel the artistry moving through,
and be silent."

Each day, is an opportunity to observe the wonders that occur around you, through you and others - in the simplest of little things, such as enjoying a cup of coffee, or exquisite Chinese tea, gifted to me by a friend...

Earlier in the week, I read this by Pema Chödrön, entitled, "Cherish Ordinary Moments:"

"In our most ordinary days we have moments of happiness, moments of comfort and enjoyment, moments of seeing something that pleased us, something that touched us, moments of contacting the tenderness of our hearts. We can take joy in that. I find that it’s essential during the day to actually note when I feel happiness or when something positive happens, and to begin to cherish those moments as precious. Gradually we can begin to cherish the preciousness of our whole life just as it is, with its ups and downs, its failures and successes, its roughness and smoothness."

May your days be filled with the cherishing of ordinary moments. Drink them in, and enjoy them well. We never know how many of them we have, and each one is precious!

Blessings

2011-07-23T07:27:00.000-07:00

I have a dear friend whose birthday it is today. She signs everything she writes, every card, every note, every email, simply, with "Blessings." It is an offering of her heart.

Years ago, she gave me this beautiful little "Blessing" prayer that I laminated and fixed to my laptop, where it greets me every morning. I have shared this acrostic poem before on this blog, yet it bears repeating again, from time to time:

Blessings

Be present.
Let the day flow with grace. Be flexible.
Expect nothing. Give thanks for everything.
Surrender. Be open.
Speak only kindness.
Impart only love.
Never forget that you are not alone.
Give so that you may receive.
See goodness in yourself and others.

It is such a simple prayer, but a beautiful reminder of how we should live our lives, each and every day. Today, I honor my dear friend, and lift her up in my prayers. I will try to embody and reflect this simple prayer.

Yesterday, when I called to wish her a happy birthday, one day early, my friend had her beautiful daughter, a gifted musician, sing and play for me the song "Blessings" by Laura Story, that I have so come to love. It was such a fitting gift on so many levels, so filled with meaning for me.

I leave you with the lyrics to this beautiful song, and a link so that you may listen to it as well.

May your life be filled with infinite blessings and grace. May you always remember, that blessing others is the greatest gift you can ever give. Each blessing you offer, reverberates eternally, and may each one return, and be given back to you, a thousandfold!

"Blessings"
By Laura Story

We pray for blessings
We pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing
For prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love is way too much to give us lesser things

What if your blessings come through raindrops
What if your healing comes through tears
What if the thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
We cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt your goodness
We doubt your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
And all the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe

When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win we know
The pain reminds this heart that this is not
This is not our home
It's not our home

What if your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if the thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near
What if my greatest disappointment
Or this aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy
What if trials of this life, the rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are your mercies in disguise

Blessings to all!

The Gift and Pleasure of Wonder

2011-07-22T18:43:00.000-07:00

Where do you most experience the pleasure of wonder?

Does a few stolen, furtive, and sacred moments with a beloved soul friend present you with this gift?

Or, does a cup of coffee in your favorite Parisian cafe elicit sweet memories and moments of wonder?

Does the experience of immersing yourself in a treasured book take you places you never dreamed of, and where you become lost in your imagination?

Right before my surgery, a dear friend came and visited me. She is not someone I get to spend a lot of time with. But it does not matter. The connection is deep...

Over cups of tea, we shared secrets of the heart and and soul, and she presented me with a series of books she dearly treasures and loves -The No. 1 Ladies Detective Agency - by Alexander McCall. She thought it was time for me to befriend these wonderful and gracious characters she has come to know during my time of recovery.

I have to tell you, my friend is very wise. I would never have voluntarily chosen to read these books, but I am touched by their beauty, and their simplicity, their morality, and the childlike wonder they have elicited in me. My friend knew it was the right time for me to make these characters' acquaintance.

And so, many hours now slowly pass me by as I delve deeply into the ten tomes I have in my possession...

This afternoon, I decided to venture forth to my neighborhood Border's which is closing to see if I could complete the series. I was amazed at the throngs of people carrying fistfuls of books all over the place, and the lines were longer than the ones I have seen at Christmas time.

While I did not find the remaining two volumes to this series, I was suddenly and overwhelmingly, very saddened. I knew, that I was witnessing the demise of an era. As I picked up books gently, and smelled them, and felt them in my hands, each one unique in its particular texture, I realized that future generations would no longer have the advantage or experience of curling up in a corner to lose themselves in the vast realm of wonder that lies hidden in very book, in the same way I had. All of a sudden, I regretted unloading every book I had ever given away or donated.

It was in some ways, like attending a wake or a funeral...

Sure, people will continue to read electronic books, but there is something that is just not the same. Somehow, reading Rumi, or favorite poets online is not quite like the ability to listen to pages rustle, carefully turning them, or the delicious experience of falling asleep with a book on one's lap during a winter evening.

Of course, there are plenty of sources and experiences of wonder to be had. For me, one of the most important ones is transmuting right before my eyes as I ripen into middle age.

What are the primary sources of wonder for you? This is worth contemplating...

And so, I leave you with this poem...

Primary Wonder

Days pass when I forget the mystery.
Problems insoluble and problems offering
their own ignored solutions
jostle for my attention, they crowd its antechamber
along with a host of diversions, my courtiers, wearing
their colored clothes; cap and bells.
And then
once more the quiet mystery
is present to me, the throng's clamor
recedes: the mystery
that there is anything, anything at all,
let alone cosmos, joy, memory, everything,
rather than void: and that, O Lord,
Creator, Hallowed One, You still,
hour by hour sustain it.

~ Denise Levertov

All Shall Be Well

2011-07-19T10:22:00.000-07:00

"All shall be well.
And all shall be well.
And all manner of things
shall be well!"
~ Julian of Norwich

This wonderful saying by Julian of Norwich has been buzzing around in my brain this last week. A dear friend often quotes it to me, and did so before my surgery, and in its aftermath as well...

Many years ago, in 1988, I traveled to Norwich, England, to sit in the cell of Dame Juliana, as she is often referred to. We actually, do not know "Julian's" real name. All we know is that she was an anchoress, and was literally walled in, almost as if buried alive, in the Church of St. Julian.

Unfortunately, the original church was destroyed during World War II. But it has been reconstructed, and I enjoyed the time I spent in Julian's sacred space.

In the 14th century, an era nearly as tumultuous as our own, Julian had a series of visions which she called her "showings." These were written down, and her writings are regarded as the first writings of any kind, recorded by a woman. Hence, she is known as the "First English Woman of Letters," and until recently, her manuscript was housed in the British Museum. When I was in London last fall, I had requested to see them, but they had found a new home in the British Library.

Years ago, when I sat in Julian's cell, I felt her presence, and practically "heard" her whisper: "All shall be well" in my ear. And since then, at certain times of need, she gently gives me this reminder, either through her writings, or the voice of a friend.

And so, all is well, as I slowly make my way back to the land of the living and reflect deeply on the experience I just had. With so many wonderful souls sending healing energy and loving thoughts and prayers, I am doing remarkably well.

When I visited Norwich all those many years ago, I bought a key chain with this famous saying at the Cathedral of Norwich. Unfortunately, I lost it a few years later. But with the dawn of the internet in the early 90's, I was able to send a message to the cathedral and inquire about replacing my lost key chain. Several weeks later, a new one arrived, sent to me as a gift, and to this day, it is always with me.

Truly, all shall be well. And all manner of things always shall be.

This, I believe...

The River Speaks Once Again

2011-07-13T12:27:00.000-07:00

Those of you who have read this blog over the years already know, that over the course of a couple of years, not so long ago, I found myself in transition and deep depression, and I went down to the river to sit, meditate, and pray, and eventually to paddle in it. Over the course of that time, the river taught me many lessons, until it no longer needed to do so.

This morning, I arose early, and was back on the Potomac River paddling, for what would perhaps be, the last time until the fall. Normally at this time, the hydrilla are growing quite wildly and overtaking and choking the river. Yet, for some reason, they have not made a noticeable appearance thus far.

The river was as calm as it could possibly be. There was not a ripple or wave, or discernible current of any kind. I pushed off the boat launch area in "Grace," my trusty kayak, and paddled effortlessly to the Maryland side. Halfway into my journey across, a motorboat cruised by, and I soon found myself tossed about by the waves. The initial calmness of the river reflected the state of my heart and soul at the moment. The waves were symbolic of impending surgery tomorrow, and how I would momentarily be under the weather, but very quickly find myself on the other side of things.

Once I arrived at the riverbank on the other side of the broad expanse of this river, I simply floated for a while. Then I noticed a blue heron very slowly and gracefully making his way up the riverbank, his beautiful legs moving delicately and deliberately. I followed him very quietly for a while in my kayak. He seemed oblivious to me. Eventually, he decided to become airborne, circling around me, and then took flight high above, making his way downstream. I watched him, until he disappeared.

Shortly after that, another motorboat cruised closer toward the Virginia riverbank, also going downstream.

At that moment, I instantaneously realized, that both the blue heron and the boat were inviting me and directing me to pursue a new direction in my life - and to try a new and different way. In all the years I have paddled on this river, I have never gone downstream. The currents become progressively stronger, eventually leading to Class 5 rapids in Great Falls. I am truly a ways off from there, but still, I have avoided going in that general direction.

Today, I have been overwhelmed by the well wishes of so many, and it has been interesting to see how so many close friends have said to me, that they really feel that I will be stepping into a new life once this "event" is behind me. So, I am looking forward to it.

The river spoke to me once again today, after such a very long time, and it was so comforting to hear its voice once again...

I have been reflecting a lot on change, and the song "Turn! Turn! Turn!" from the 60's has been playing over and over again in my head. To everything there is a season, and now a different one is bidding me to take a different path.

I will be taking a short break here, but know dear reader, that I am grateful to you for walking this journey with me!

The Song in Your Heart

2011-07-11T14:50:00.000-07:00

We all have a song in our hearts...

What is yours?

Each one of us moves to a different drum...

Each one of us dances to a unique rhythm...

Yesterday, I wrote about a homily I heard on Sunday based on the the Parable from the Gospel of Matthew on the "Sower and the Seed."

The homilist told a wonderful story based on a YouTube video clip where a guy finds a stethoscope on the ground and proceeds to place it on all sorts of objects, and a unique song pertaining to the object in question bursts in his ear. For example, when he places the stethoscope on a light pole, he hears the song "Lean On Me." At the very end, after the guy in the clip seems to have exhausted all kinds of objects, he puts the instrument over his heart.

What do you suppose he hears?

Almost immediately, the "Hallelujah" from Handel's Messiah bursts all over the place. It is such a magnificent piece, that King George II arose from his seat when he heard the chorus. Since then, the tradition of standing during this piece has continued.

What song most exemplifies who you are and defines your soul?

And which one would make you stand, and dance, bursting with love and infinite grace? What experience in life would make you do this? Hopefully more than one song, situation, or person would profoundly move your depths into such self-expression...

St. Irenaeus, an early church theologian once wrote, "The glory of God is a man [or woman] fully alive."

May your body and soul be moved to dance to the unique song in your heart which is nothing more, and nothing less, than the calling of the Beloved Divine, however you envision Him, "Her," or "It" to be. It does not matter...

For the YouTube Video "Stethoscope," go to the following link:
Stethoscope

What Takes Root in the Heart

2011-07-10T11:53:00.000-07:00

What takes root in your heart?

What do you feed?

What grows like a weed and festers in your soul?

What do you give your attention to? And what nourishes you?

What arises magnificently within, and touches and even profoundly transforms others?

This morning, I took my mother to church. She is visiting me, and will be a great help during my surgery and subsequent convalescence later this week. It was a long mass at St. John Neumann, in Reston, VA, which included the baptism of three children, and the farewell homily of a resident priest.

The homily was based on one of my favorite scripture passages, the parable of the sower and his seeds (Matthew 13: 1-23). For those who are unfamiliar with this reading, the passage recounts a story of a sower whose seeds fell on a ground where they were eaten by birds, on a shallow surface, where the nascent shoots became scorched because they had no roots, among the thorns, where the sprouts were strangled, and upon good soil, where the seeds laid down deep roots and flourished.

This reading is a metaphor for what takes root in our hearts. It reminds me of the well known Cherokee story, that is often retold. A grandfather tells this story to his grandson:

"My son, the battle is between two 'wolves' inside us all. One is Evil; it is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego. The other is Good; It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith.

The young grandson thought about this for a minute or two and then asked his grandfather. .... "Which wolf wins?"

The old Cherokee replied simply... "The one you feed."

I was profoundly moved by the reading today, and the homily as well, which was one of the best I have heard in years. The homilist was passionate, eloquent, and radiated a deep sense of joy that permeated every word he spoke. He spoke of how we know when the seeds of God's word have taken root in our hearts and how it affects who we become, what we do, and how we impact the lives of others. He also noted, that we never truly know how deeply we might touch others we encounter. Finally, he thanked the community for the lessons they had taught him about what to feed and cultivate in his own heart.

The bulletin offered these words by Rev. Michael S. Murray, OSFS, and also referenced the words of St Francis de Sales as a commentary on the day's Gospel:

"Clearly, while we must take responsibility for our growth in devotion - that is, nourish the seeds of God's love in us and encourage the same in others - we must do it patiently and with a mind to do God's will for us, lest our efforts become an exercise in self-will, self-delusion or self-absorption. Francis de Sales offers this advice: 'Pursue your aims gently and quietly... By what you say and do you must gently sow seeds that will encourage others... In this way, especially if you pray about it, too, you will do more good than you would in any other way...'

The seeds of Gods love that fall on good ground - in us, in others - will in the long run, yield a fruitful harvest. In the short run, we must nurture them slowly, patiently and carefully..."

What have you sown in your own heart?

Have you listened to God's words and promptings, and messages?

Have you tried to live your life as fully and completely as you can?

It is never too late to tend the garden of your soul. Plant the things you want to bear fruit and pull out the weeds, so that only what is worthwhile will take root.

Do not waste a moment! Do it now!

Grace Can Happen at Any Time

2011-07-06T11:08:00.001-07:00

"Grace comes out of nowhere.
It can happen at any time,
any place."
~ Amma

This morning, I arose early and made my way to darshan with Amma, or Ammachi, as she is also known, because she happened to be in my neck of the woods, literally. Just about ten minutes away!

I got there early, to secure a good spot, and while I had to wait two hours for the start of darshan, I had received my hug an hour later.

The word "darshan" literally means sight, or visions of the Divine, which we, in turn receive, with devotion and reverence.

I first saw Amma in the year 2003, I believe. I went with some yoga friends from that time, including one who was in remission from lymphoma. The experience was incredible for me. I remember feeling like a bolt of electricity had run through me, and I could hardly walk afterward. This time, the experience was more subtle, and the sea of humanity was almost overwhelming for an introvert. Still, it was amazing to be in a place where everyone was smiling and so devoted, and it was good to run into some of my current friends and teachers as well!

While I waited in line, I listened to the woman behind me, carrying a baby that was only months old, recount her difficulty in becoming pregnant. She flew to see Amma, and when she received her hug, she asked to be blessed with a child. A year later, her son was born on exactly the day of the first anniversary of this blessing!

I watched this woman and her family approach Amma, who held and covered the little baby boy over and over again with her kisses. It was truly a moving scene.

I have now had darshan twice with Amma, and twice with Mother Meera. They are totally diametrically opposed experiences. Amma's darshan is noisy - there is a lot of chanting and talking, and when Amma hugs you, she chants into your ear. Mother Meera's darshan is in complete silence. You could hear a pin drop. And when she looks into your eyes, you feel that you have never been known or seen as completely as you are in that moment. Looking into her eyes, is like looking into the Eye of Eternity.

I have been blessed to have been able to have a glimpse of the Divine in so many ways in my life. Through Hindu saints, the Dalai Lama (who is also in town this week), previous Popes, and of course, the many saintly individuals who will never be publicly recognized, such as my grandmother. It doesn't matter. God is present everywhere, if one has the eyes to see, and the ears to hear!

And here are some uplifting and inspirational quotes from Amma to enjoy:

"Let us strive to reach a state in which we are able to see all beings on earth as part of our own Self. Amma

Real love is the complete absence of any negative feeling towards anyone. Amma

Whatever may be your offering, what pleases God is the attitude of your heart. Amma

In the presence of a great Master, the closed bud of your heart opens effortlessly. Amma

Love and unity and the very foundation of our existence. Amma

Think of everyone as your own Self, or see everyone as God and serve Him. Amma

Pray for the peace and welfare of one and all in this world. Amma

A true smile is something that originates in the heart. Amma

God's grace is the sunlight; it shines on all without discrimination. Amma

A truly spiritual person lives for the Truth and breathes for love. Amma

We should take every action as our worship. Amma

We should be able to experience God's presence everywhere. Amma

Love one another without expectations. Then there is no need to go anywhere in search of heaven. Amma

When you see life and all that life brings you as a precious gift, you will be able to say yest to everything." Amma

Gardener of My Soul

2011-07-01T09:35:00.000-07:00

As I watered my plants and waited for a dear soul friend to come visit me this morning, I thought of the many different ways in which we garden...

Sometimes we garden in our yards...

Sometimes we tend the garden of other people's hearts... This friend I awaited, has done this for me many times throughout the last few years...

But sometimes we are gardeners to our own souls...We tug and pull out the weeds of what no longer serves us, and create room for our dreams to take root and for our souls to grow...

Over cups of tea, my friend and I shared experiences from our meditation and yoga practices, which we do from time to time. I described an ability to plug into bliss very deeply in my sitting practice, but conversely mourned all I had lost in my yoga practice, lamenting that in many ways, I felt like a raw beginner.

She wisely noted, that it did not matter - for it shed light on what was ultimately important - the essence of the practice - and the poses that were now elusive disclosed what is truly essential and what is not... And this, coming from someone whose own practice has always been the embodiment of her deep connection to the Divine... She too, has had to let go of much in her life, only to gain much richer gifts in return...

We spoke of my impending surgery as a turning point of sorts, and my dear friend very much believes it will make all the difference in my life. And whether or not I am able to see this very clearly right now, I do believe her, because she has always channeled insights from the Divine for me...

My friend is a master gardener, and we exchanged gifts. I gave her a few books of meditations on gardening as a spiritual practice. And she gave me books to nourish the garden of my soul, during recovery, in addition to a card, with gardening motifs, and this quote from one of her favorite authors:

"Help us to be
Ever faithful gardeners
of the Spirit,
Who knows that without darkness
Nothing comes to birth,
And without light
Nothing flowers."
~ May Sarton

I rose on this first day of July, stepping into a new month; it is also a day of a partial solar eclipse, symbolic of change and inviting transformation, and after meditation, I went out into my garden to water. I fed my thirsty plants, as I also seek to satiate my own thirsty soul, waiting to change, and patiently waiting for subsequent recovery as well...

I will garden my soul now, and give thanks for the gifts that I have received in my life, and the presence of this friend who reminded me to give voice to my gratitude, and to know that hope and joy are equally present in the garden of my life...

"Kind hearts are the gardens,
Kind thoughts are the roots,
Kind words are the flowers,
Kind deeds are the fruits.
Take care of your garden
And keep out the weeds.
Fill it with sunshine,
Kind words and kind deeds."
~ Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

The Yoga of Waiting

2011-06-27T12:14:00.000-07:00

It has been nearly a week since I made an entry here. In this time, I have been engaged very quietly in the yoga of waiting...

Yoga is a practice, and thus, the yoga of waiting is simply, the practice of waiting...

The practice of waiting invites us and draws us more deeply into the present moment. At such times, we are able to notice things that might have escaped our attention or awareness at other moments in our lives.

As often happens, a lot of what I read or contemplate is precisely what I need to reflect upon.

In these last couple of weeks before undergoing surgery, I am taking time to slow down, prepare, and simply be. I've slept in a bit here and there, taken an occasional nap, gone for long walks, and I do whatever little yoga I can do at the moment, and focus on enjoying the simple things: doing a dog pose with as much devotion as I can, instead of a long held inversion or a really deep backbend... Going for a walk - rather than a two hour practice... Reading the newspaper slowly... Enjoying a cup of coffee by myself, or with a friend... Weeding my landscaping with care... Savoring a good glass of wine...

Who knows how long we have to live? I would like to arrive at the end of mine without regrets - living each day fully and completely. I read yesterday, how most people regret they didn't really do what they wanted to do because of fear or expectations. Others, regretted not spending more time with friends and loved ones...

As I wait for a day that I hope will eventually mark a physical turning point for me, I also realize there are no guarantees in life. Things may be remarkably better. But then, they may not...

In this past year, one friend gave birth to her stillborn daughter. Another lost a battle with cancer. Still another took her own life. And countless others suffered many losses of some kind or another...

Yoga, meditation, and all our spiritual practices - remind us of what is ultimately important. These practices urge us to become the best possible people that we can be: physically, emotionally, and spiritually. And, they enable us to carry whatever burdens we must shoulder.

And so, I wait. I prepare. And I accept - that I cannot do things I once did. While so many believe great things are in store for me, I also know, that everything comes and goes, like the ebb and flow of the tides...

I thought of this yesterday, which was "International Handstand Day." I watched so many of my friends post poses of themselves on Facebook - some doing one handed variations I had never seen. Handstand is a pose I've loved, but I struggled with it yesterday. It was humbling, but it reminded me to be more compassionate with myself, as I try to be with my students when they struggle with it as well.

And so, I end now by sharing some quotes I read this past week, which brought solace and elicited deep reflection...

"One should always avoid suggesting to the mind thoughts of human limitations such as sickness, old age, and death. Rather, the mind should be told this truth: 'I am the Infinite, which has become the body." Yogananda

"You have a UNIQUE relationship with your body because unlike other relationships that you can just walk away from when the going gets rough - your body goes WITH you EVERYWHERE in this lifetime. The time is NOW to make peace and love your body right where you ARE in this very moment!" Gena Livings

"Great Spirit, I pray for the strength to accept the role I have chosen in this lifetime and to allow others to do what they have chosen to do, or what is karmically appropriate for them. When I pray for my own healing or that of another, let me pray only that the highest good be done, whatever that may be. Let me strive to have no expectations of what healing is in any situation but only to hold the one being prayed for in the highest love and esteem, in the knowledge that they are One with you." Joan Borysenko

And so, it is...

Stepping into the Sacredness of the Solstice

2011-06-21T11:38:00.000-07:00

This morning, I went for a walk, then hoisted Grace, my kayak, into my truck, to go down to the river. It seemed fitting to step into the healing and cleansing waters of the river, on this day of the Summer Solstice.

We are in the midst of a most incredible time. On this day, the earth pauses for a moment, offering her inhale, into her exhale, and the sun seems to pause on the horizon. There is a still point that we can access and experience, that allows us to open to grace more fully, and enables us to step more deeply into the sacred, and to be bathed in its healing energies.

This year, the solstice follows the longest lunar eclipse in a decade, sandwiched in between two partial solar eclipses - one which transpired on June 1, and the other to occur on July 1st. In addition to all of this, we are experiencing a conjunction of planets known as a Cardinal Grand Cross. I am incapable of explaining all the technicality relating to these astrological events, but suffice it to say, that is a time heralding great change, and inviting deep cleansing and releasing, as we prepare for all that it is to come.

Indeed, all of our energies and thoughts are enhanced and magnified today, and many will gather to unite their consciousness and vibrations, and offer prayers and meditations for the planet, for themselves, and for all those in need. It is a time of great auspiciousness.

I thought about all of this, as I arrived at the river. It was as calm and quiet as I had seen it in a very long time. My first steps into the river sent out gentle ripples, and soon I was paddling upstream, on the opposite and hidden side of the first island dividing the Maryland and Virginia sides of the Potomac River. After I angled around the corner, I quietly floated downstream, and not a person or boat was in sight.

I locked eyes with a small blue heron, and we quietly observed one another for a while. Then, he flew around me, and downstream, as if leading the way...

I came home, to chant and sit in meditation for an hour, engulfing the very moment of the solstice, giving intention to let go of attachments, what does not serve, whatever holds me back, and connecting deeply with the Infinite Self within, which I imagined spreading out all over the Universe, ever mindful that at the moment, a critical mass of souls were engaged in the very same endeavor.

Today, take time to sit in solitude or get together with like-minded souls. Unite your prayers and energies and give intent to let go of what no longer serves. Ask to receive what is most needed in this moment, as we begin our sacred journey into the summer season, and beyond, towards the dark of winter once again - for to everything, there is a season. But for now, let us enjoy the light, and the warm and lazy days of summer!

Reflections on the Art of Teaching Yoga

2011-06-19T13:59:00.000-07:00

Last weekend at this time, I was just concluding a workshop with Christina Sell on sequencing and using themes in the teaching of yoga. All week, I have been reflecting on some of her insights and the art of teaching in general.

Christina, a gifted certified Anusara Yoga teacher, was witty and inspirational at the same time, and just what I needed, as I face surgery next month, and a subsequent hiatus from teaching during the summer.

Every teacher finds him - or herself - fresh out of ideas, and perhaps needing to take a break at some point in time. And, in 14 years of teaching yoga, I have not taken a break of more than a couple of weeks, at the end of a session. So, while I focus on physical healing, I am hoping to also "reclaim" some inspiration, and come back "refreshed."

I have been having difficulty coming up with themes lately. Ironically, this has always been the easiest part of lesson planning for me! In fact, just today, someone wrote me asking me about a theme I used over a year ago in a class, and wondering if I could remember what else I said about it. Routinely, I run into students who were in classes I subbed, often over a year ago, that will recall a particular theme I used - word for word - things like: "Let go of holding on, and hold on to letting go," "Everything in God, and God in everything," "I am empty, I am full," "Life is practice, and practice is life," and so forth - but, right now, I am feeling, somewhat out of gas...

Re-reading my copious notes from last weekend's workshop, I was able to re-connect once again, with what draws, energizes, and inspires me about teaching in general, and yoga more specifically...

Christina's theme for our Friday night practice focused on yoga as a radical affirmation of life - where we say "Yes!" to everything we encounter. She noted that "yes" is the courageous acceptance of a situation we are in - in the here and now - completely and fearlessly. We must be radical in accepting all the parts of ourselves - what what is difficult, what we've discarded, and what is deep and beautiful within us.

Christina also spoke of teaching yoga as a very high calling that as teachers, we answer. And as such, we must be more careful about what we say, how we act, and even exercising more patience if that is not particularly natural for us. Yoga teachers for the most part, have chosen to shine more light into the world and to help people heal - physically, emotionally, and spiritually - and to remember their true nature and who they truly are. And in this context, it is important for teachers to draw upon each other and support one another in this endeavor - and I would add - even outside of their chosen style or tradition. So, while I primarily choose to study, practice, and teach Anusara Yoga, I do have friends who teach and practice other styles as well.

Christina went on to discuss the various kinds of students and teachers, and how they learn best, and what inspires them most. As teachers, we must be cognizant of our students, their various learning styles and needs, and yet also understand that we will never meet every student's needs. I was reminded of this very humbly this week, when a student dropped in a class and duly, but graciously noted, that that class was not for her.

The whole weekend with Christina, but especially her last session on the mechanics of good teaching, was so filled with insights. I loved the way she described the Anusara Yoga Syllabus and its three levels - not as poses we all had to master or attain - but as as poses that could each be approached as a peak pose, thus making an individual pose - and indeed, the entire syllabus much more accessible.

Because Christina is more of a technical teacher - more drawn to the bio-mechanics of how poses work and how they should be linked together, and I am more of a mystic and poet - more interested in how things are "languaged" and how they touch or inspire others, I was able to gain much greater insight into the art of teaching yoga from an entirely different perspective.

I consider it no accident, that I was able to attend this workshop, just at the time I needed it the most. During the lazy weeks ahead, after surgery, I hope to gather more nourishment from many of the gems of wisdom received...

You Are the Love

2011-06-15T10:08:00.000-07:00

This morning, as I sat in meditation, on this day of a lunar eclipse, sandwiched in between two partial solar eclipses - the first occurring on June 1, and the next on July 1, I heard these words deep inside:

"You are the love that you need.
Shine it out, and then see that love
reflected in others - in their eyes.
Everything you need is inside.
Anything else is limiting and unfulfilling..."

I was surprised by this insight arising within, but then later on, I read a metaphysical interpretation of these three eclipses and the coming Summer Solstice, and found that they were about releasing and letting go, about healing and restructuring relationships, facing challenges, and taking decisive actions to move forward. And really, who doesn't find all of this relevant on some level?

Later in the day, I spoke to a dear friend experiencing a great loss, and she shared with me the wisdom and tools one of her teachers had given her to deal with her situation. He too, reminded my friend, not to doubt herself, but to take time to nourish herself, and to remember that despite the hurt and loss she may be feeling, she remained the very embodiment of love.

When I talked to my friend, I reminded her to be compassionate with herself - and with others involved - because it would enable her to shift the necessary energies in those relationships, and thus release any karmic ties that would otherwise bind or continue.

In the writings of so many yogic sages and scriptures, we are reminded time and time again, that we are the one we seek. There is a spark of the Divine that is within each and every one of us. And this spark makes us all one. We spend our whole entire lifetimes looking for and seeking fulfillment and love outside of ourselves, when everything we have ever needed, has been inside of us all along.

It is so easy. And yet this is also such a hard lesson to learn!

I am always reminded of the poet Rumi, who wrote:

"The whole universe is inside of you.
Ask all from yourself."

And yet, we do not believe this. We don't allow ourselves to see this. We are, as I like to remind my students - a microcosm of the macrocosm...

Yes. You are the love that you need and you seek. The kingdom of God is always within you. During this time of great energetic and cosmological shifts, ask to receive what you most need. Or, as Christina Sell, a wonderful and very gifted Anusara yoga teacher told us at a workshop this weekend, quoting one of her teachers:

"You are the only person [in this life] going all the way with you!"

No one will walk your life's path with you in its entirety. Not here - not there - and not beyond this life.

Seek and you will find. Ask and you shall receive. Knock and it shall be opened to you. Everything is within. All the love you'll ever need - because you are that love - and always connected to the Source of that Love. Embrace it. And shine it out. And awaken that knowledge in others!

What I Know

2011-06-09T12:05:00.000-07:00

Late yesterday afternoon, as I was tackling the grueling traffic on the beltway, here in the Washington DC area, on my way to teach my weekly yoga class at Willow Street Yoga Center, I asked myself, "What do I know?"

In other words, what have I learned that has shifted my consciousness, or my perspective recently - or what I have learned or practiced that has enabled me to deal with life's circumstances or curve balls.

Earlier this week, I read the article "Who Do You Think You Are?" by Sally Kempton on the site: Patheos.com

In this article, Sally discusses how to work with "avidya," a Sanskrit word which describes the basic ignorance of who we are, and she cites Sutra 2.5, of Patanjali's Yoga Sutra. This is what Sally has to say:

"'Avidya,' the sutra says, 'is to mistake what is perishable for the eternal, what is impure for the pure, what is sorrow for what is happiness, and the not-Self for the True Self.'"

I've read and taught the sutras many times throughout the years, but this week, this simple verse, spoke volumes to me. I am also continuing to reflect on the teaching from the Bhagavad Gita that reminds us that we are only entitled to our actions, but never to the fruit of our actions - for these belong only to God. In other words, we must act freely - without expectations and with no attachment to the outcomes.

If I could truly embody both of these teachings, I would experience a freedom that is simply unimaginable. I would also be able to live more fully in the present moment. Nothing else would matter...

In recent weeks, I have been led to include, what I call a "Prayer of Surrender" in my meditations. Instead of asking for specific things, I simply lay all the things I wish to release at the feet of the Divine, and only ask for what I - or others - most need. This has been very liberating. After all, who, better than God knows what is most indicated and necessary in another person's life?

Yesterday, I also ran across this quote:

"Surrender is the simple but profound wisdom
of yielding to, rather than opposing the flow of life."
~ Eckhart Tolle

Today, I read these words in a poem:

"To live in this world
you must be able
to do three things:
to love what is mortal;
to hold it
against your bones knowing
your own life depends on it;
and, when the time comes to let it go,
to let it go."
~ Mary Oliver

What do I know?

I know that no one appointed me "Master of the Universe."
I know that I do not have the big picture.
I know that I can't control anything.
I know that the things that are meant to be, are those that happen.
I know that if things are in the flow, then they are what they must be.
I know that what is in the past - is in the past.
I know that what was - WAS.
I know that what is happening now, is what is meant to be.
I know that what is - IS.
I know that what others do and I perceive as a hurt, is really about them.
I know that I can turn anything around by changing the way I see it.
I know that your perspective is not mine. And yet neither is fully accurate.
I know that the things we worry about, are the things that never happen.
I know I can counter something energetically, by blessing it.
I know that I need to keep working on all of these things.
I know that everything is in God's hands.
I know that everything will be as it should be.
I know that everything is perfect as it is, in this moment.
I know I am never alone even if I think that I am.
I know that we are all one - and cannot be separate from one another.
And I know, that if I embody all of these things, I will very slowly, but deliberately, whittle away at the ignorance of my True Nature.

And thank you to Forensicscience.net for the "shout out as great blog!
http://www.forensicscience.net/best-reiki-blogs

Top Reiki Blogs

forensicscience.net

The Body Speaks

2011-06-07T11:30:00.000-07:00

In 1998, I read two books that significantly shifted my perspective about the body and my understanding of consciousness. These books were, Hands of Life: An Energy Healer Reveals the Secrets of Using Your Body's Own Energy Medicine for Healing, Recovery, and Transformation, by Julie Motz, and The Heart's Code: Tapping the Wisdom and Power of Our Heart Energy, by Paul Pearsall, PhD.

Let me explain why these books have remained seminal works on the shelf where I keep the books I consider most influential.

Julie Motz is an intuitive healer who worked with Dr. Mehmet Oz, back in the day when he was just a heart transplant surgeon and Oprah had not "discovered" him. At that time, Motz worked closely with Dr. Oz, in the operating room, "dialoguing" with both the "exiting" organ, and the new one being received. Motz reveals in her book, how the "out-going organ" and the body are saddened at their parting of the ways so to speak, and the "in-coming organ" is just as apprehensive about its coming into a new host. Motz sought to make all the parties involved "play nicely," and this led to a quicker recovery for the patient. Of course, there is much more that this process entails.

I was somewhat shocked at the time. How could a body part "dialogue" with a whole organism - or another individual? Did it have its own mind? I had not yet considered that consciousness could fully exist in every cell of the body.

Paul Pearsall's book was equally unsettling and fascinating when I read it. He recounts countless stories where transplant recipients "inherited" a donor's tastes, likes, and even memories. In one story, a young recipient is able to help solve the murder of her donor by identifying the perpetrator. In another case, a recipient, a foreigner with a weak command of English, utters as one of his first words, an arcane expression used as a code between two spouses, one deceased, and the other living, to indicate things were alright between them.

What explanation could there be for such a thing? Back then, it was such an amazing thing to me. Now, it is something I take for granted.

Around the very same time I read these books, I met my very gifted craniosacral therapist, Suzanne, and now I could write my own book about the incredible experiences I have had in my healing journey, in subsequent years.

As I prepare for a hysterectomy next month, something that has been a long time coming, I have been struggling with how comprehensive this surgery should be. So, more specifically - without being evasive - the question I have been asking myself is - should I - or should I not remove my ovaries?

There are many reasons for and against doing this. My surgeon wisely noted, that we don't completely understand the function of the ovaries. I wondered if I should split the difference - take one out, and leave one in...

Today, on Suzanne's table, I got a clear answer.

For a few months, we had worked together to ready my body for this major transition, and I really felt everything was quiet, and just ready and waiting. But, to both of our surprise, we got very clear messages about what to do, and I was convinced, as a result, that these organs needed to stay in. I even received specific instructions of what I needed to do for the recuperation to go more smoothly!

I "received" details about the inter-relationship of these organs to other systems, and how they worked in tandem. Other parts of my body jumped in as well. For years, I've experienced increasing pain in my legs due to the condition that has made the surgery necessary, and they "spoke" to me as well, noting that I had been able to endure so much pain for so long because of my dedication to my yoga and meditation practice - even though the yoga has become increasingly more limited, and thus frustrating to me as well. Still, I was "told" that once this situation is resolved, I would be able to deepen my practices in a way I could not have done so up until now.

I was even told that with all of this, a deeper feminine wisdom would emerge that would be more characteristic of this second half of my life. All of the various dialoging parts of my body joined in unison to commend me by noting that I had honored my process and really listened to my body, and that I took time to explore and address whatever needed attention, and that I had also done my homework.

So, that being said, I am at peace. In more ways than one. Over 13 years ago, I might have questioned this experience, but I no longer do so.

In many recent entries I have written about how answers to questions come in so many ways - if we are willing to listen. They can come from perfect strangers and chance encounters, from nature, from people we know, things we read, and so forth. Lately, it seems I am overwhelmed by messages and insights coming - sometimes so rapidly - I almost do not have time to process them.

A couple of years ago, I wrote and self-published two books: The River Speaks, and The River Speaks: The Dialogue Continues. Both of these books documented the lessons I learned on the banks of the river, and later on, inside of it, when the river instructed I come in. Then, one day - I realized it had ceased talking and teaching - and our relationship to each other changed.

I share this, to encourage you to listen to your body. Listen to the insights that come to you. My most powerful insights and messages come through my practices. Everything speaks. "God speaks, in the silence of the heart - and we listen." This is what Mother Teresa of Calcutta once taught. Yes, God speaks. And sometimes God speaks through a gifted therapist, or through the body - or both.

For Suzanne's account of the session, see:
http://massagemag.com/massage-blog/presence-matters/2011/06/07/awakening-the-deep-feminine/

Sacred Love

2011-06-03T08:09:00.000-07:00

I continue to savor parts of Adyashanti's Emptiness Dancing, in addition to several other books I am reading simultaneously. Within this book, there is an exquisite chapter on the nature of real love, and I have taken time to reflect on certain passages and sentences, and have posted them as Facebook and Twitter updates as well.

Adya notes that without love there is no truth, and without truth, there is no love. There are many different kinds of love, and the love that we are at our essence is real, and transcends all experiences and emotions. He also points out, that if we stay connected at the heart, it is very difficult to lie or even tell a half-truth. This love is indiscriminate, and doesn't know how to turn itself on and off. Furthermore, love isn't something we fall in and out of. Love simply is. Period.

Here are a couple of passages, slighted edited, that I resonated with:

"[Real love] is pre-existing... Possibly the only fear greater than death is love, real love. Finding out that you do love, that this is your nature, is the beginning of the end for everything in you that thinks it is separate... There is no such thing as loving once and then not loving...

True love has nothing to do with liking someone... It is a love of unity, a love of seeing God... This is a love that has no opposite...but is present in everything... When you realize this, it is a revolution because [this love] loves the unlovable, loves what you're not supposed to love or what you were not allowed to love culturally, and is not paying attention to the separating rules of ego...this is a different kind of love... This love is timeless. This love is uncontained...

The truly sacred love is the love of what is, not a love of what could be. This love liberates what is..."

At the same time, I read these words from a channeled message (slightly edited) by the Circle of Light:

"I ask you to place your focus on giving Love in every way, without attempting to control it. Allow it to pour forth through you as poetry, as art, as parables and as stories, as theater, as dance, as celebrations, as expressions of appreciation, as music, and as anything Love speaks through you. You will come forth as an array of symbols of the giving forth of Love in the symbols of the world."

Wow. So much food for thought here...We are speaking of a love that is Divine - which unites us all at our essence, and that we express in our words, and deeds, our practices, and all of our creative ventures. It is a love that we cannot be without...

I am blessed to know many whom I believe embody this kind of love. I am part of a community where I have experienced that kind of love, sometimes from people I hardly know. What a wonderful blessing that is! And in these last few days, I have certainly been reminded of this, as I prepare for major surgery next month, and find myself at the receiving end of an outpouring of love and support, and offerings of care...

I dare to dream, and ask, and imagine - a world where this kind of love is the norm. I choose to believe, that as a people, we are awakening, and on the verge of the dawning of a new era, where this kind of very sacred love, will prevail all that is...

I pray that I may more deeply embody, reflect, and come to know that kind of love. And, I pray and wish that for you as well!

Teaching (Yoga) as a Calling

2011-06-01T09:35:00.000-07:00

Do you have a calling?

Do you know what that calling is?

Don't think you do? Well guess what! We all have one, and some of us take a while to find out what it is. For some, it takes a whole life time...

As a child, I remember being asked what I wanted to do when I grew up. I would often respond, that I wanted to help people. I really had no idea what that meant, but somewhere along the way, I thought studying psychology would be the way to live out my calling. And then I studied theology in the early 70's, when so much change was in the air, and thought this would be my route.

The one thing I said I would never do is teach. Yes, really... Seriously! It was the one thing I was bound and determined NOT to do...

But God, the Universe, or whatever, had other plans for me, and through a series of circumstances, I wound up teaching high school one year while I was finishing my Master's degree, because I needed a job. Desperately. I was offered a job on the spot and I took it. That should have been my first clue. They wanted someone - anyone - to take the job!

It ended up being such a horrendous year in many ways. I could write a book about my experiences. When I tell stories about that year, people think I made them up. I think the one everyone likes the best is the story of the girl caught "entertaining" boys in the confessional in the chapel during the lunch shift. And I don't mean telling jokes! A friend of mine who was also a school teacher said I lied and made this up. Until it happened to her! She eventually caught a pair of students in the confessional in her own school. (Obviously, we are talking Catholic schools here!)

I took my second job teaching high school to prove to myself that it couldn't be that bad everywhere. And it wasn't. I proceeded to spend the next 23 years teaching at two Visitation schools, first in St. Paul, Minnesota, and then in Georgetown, in Washington DC.

My son, whose birthday is today, was actually conceived at the beginning of a school year, and I was in labor on graduation day, in 1985...Talk about perfect timing - and it was totally unplanned! I guess teaching was in my genes!

In 2002, I left teaching high school, to teach yoga part time, which I had been doing on the side for about 5 years at that point.

I've never made a lot of money at it. In fact, some years, like the last couple, I've brought in enough to cover my yoga workshops, training, and related travel expenses, and that's about it. But, that's okay. I never made a lot teaching high school either, and its not why I choose to do either one.

I knew early on, I wasn't interested in becoming a nationally known teacher. There are many others who are more talented and gifted practitioners - and, maybe even better teachers. Though my students will tell you that is open for debate. But, I did know, that I wanted to make a difference in my own local community, and just introduce regular folks to yoga.

In her last show, Oprah spoke of what a calling is. It is something that lights you up. She spoke of letting your life speak for you, and that when you do that, you will receive in direct proportion to what you give. And that's what I have tried to do. And that's what I have received...

Oprah also spoke of being a safe harbor for others. She urged her listeners to connect. Embrace. Liberate. Love somebody. Then then spread that love to two and then more - and see what a difference it makes.

That's what I have tried to do with all my students throughout the years. Sometimes I have succeeded at it better than at other times. For the times I missed the mark, I am sorry.

Today, I looked at my students whom I teach at my home studio - a small, but dedicated group that has stood by me, through thick and thin when I left the studio I was at 3 and a half years ago. And so, I told them, that in the fall, I would offer them the opportunity to take two classes a week from me for the price of one. I wanted them to deepen their practice, and did not want money to stand in the way of that...

This little group has been wonderful. And they have seen tremendous trials. Death. Serious illness. Divorce. Infidelity. Cancer. And so forth. It seemed like such a little thing to offer, but I know it was the right thing to do...

What is your calling? It doesn't matter. Find what lights you up. And do it! Give, so that you may receive!

Make Room for the Unimaginable

2011-05-27T20:12:00.000-07:00

"Keep some room in your heart for the unimaginable."
~ Mary Oliver

This week, many of us tuned in to Oprah's last show - which spanned - practically my son's entire life to date. I remember watching the show during its humble beginnings while he toddled around the family room. So, in many ways, Oprah, my son and I "grew" up together, and she and I are also about the same age...

Oprah's last show focused on the lessons she had learned throughout the years, which was my original title for this entry. But then, I came across this quote by Mary Oliver, and it was evident to me, that if we truly implemented all that Oprah suggested, we would give birth to a life and world that is, in many ways, unimaginable, but fully possible...

Some parting words from Oprah:

"You are not alone...

We are all called. Everybody has a calling, and your real job in life is to figure out what that is and get about the business of doing it...And that is what I want for all of you... To live from the heart of yourself...Wherever you are, that is your platform, your stage, your circle of influence...You will receive in direct proportion to how you give in whatever platform you have...

Nobody but you is responsible for your life... You are responsible for the energy that you create for yourself, and you're responsible for the energy you bring to others...

For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction... It is the Golden Rule to the 10th power...

There is a common thread that runs through all of our pain, and all of our suffering, and that is unworthiness...We often block our blessings because we don't feel inherently good or smart enough or pretty enough or worthy enough...Your being here, your being alive makes you worthiness your birthright. You alone are enough.

Every single person you will ever meet shares that common desire. They want to know: Do you see me? Do you hear me? Does what I say mean anything to you? Validate them: I see you. I hear you. And what you say matters to me.

I have felt the presence of God my whole life...Be still and know it... I wait and I listen. I'm still - I wait and listen for the guidance that is greater than my meager mind... The only time I've ever made a mistake is when I didn't listen...

Whispers are always messages, and if you don't hear them, they turn into a problem. And if you don't handle the problem, it turns into a crisis, and then into a disaster...

I understand the manifestation of grace and God, so I know that there are no coincidences. There is only divine order here..."

There is a complete transcript of this last show that is available on Oprah.com which is worth reading in its entirety...

In the last couple of days, I have come across other brief inspirational messages, and I am blessed to have received so many profound insights. I will share just a few of them:

"Your task is not to seek for love,
but merely to seek and find all the barriers
within yourself that you have built against it."
~ A Course in Miracles

"Every happiness is the child of a separation
it did not think it could survive."
~ Rilke

"We have what we seek,
it is there all the time,
and if we give it time,
it will make itself known to us."
~ Thomas Merton

"If you accept a limiting belief,
then it will become a truth for you."
~ Louise Hay

And finally, a song from the early 90's which was featured in a movie I saw today, reminded me of the importance and the incredible power we have to change our lives and make a difference, so I share a portion of it:

Hold On
By Wilson Phillips

I know this pain
Why do lock yourself up in these chains?
No one can change your life except for you
Don't ever let anyone step all over you
Just open your heart and your mind
Is it really fair to feel this way inside?

Some day somebody's gonna make you want to
Turn around and say goodbye
Until then baby are you going to let them
Hold you down and make you cry
Don't you know?
Don't you know things can change
If you hold on for one more day...

You could sustain
Or are you comfortable with the pain?
You've got no one to blame for your unhappiness
You've got yourself into your own mess
Lettin' your worries pass you by
Don't you think it's worth your time
To change your mind?

I know that there is pain
But you hold on for one day and
Break free the chains...

So yes - break free of whatever chains hold you back. As a friend once told me, during a very trying time in my life - believe that this river of life is taking you to the ocean of the unimaginable, and be - the unique manifestation of the Divine that your are. Do not deprive the world of that light!

Awakening to What Is

2011-05-25T11:13:00.000-07:00

Sometimes messages hit you over the head. Hard.

Sometimes messages come from unexpected places - like "cyberspace" or the "cloud" - wherever that is!

Yesterday, I wrote about Adyashanti's book, Emptiness Dancing. And I included this quote toward the end of the entry:

"What is born in awakening -
is a love of what is."

I must have repeated this to myself dozens of times yesterday. Such a simple statement. And so hard to embody. It reminded me of Byron Katie's book, Loving What Is. This is truly a practice that demands everything - and one that cannot be simply "intellectualized," try as one might.

Today, I came across a couple of reminders of the role that grace plays in our life:

"You cannot be bitter and unforgiving
and be a conduit for grace."
~ Carolyn Myss

And then, in the new SoundsTrue catalogue I received last night, I read this excerpt from Adyanshanti's newest book, Falling into Grace:

"Grace is something that comes to us when we somehow find ourselves completely available - when we become open-hearted and open-minded, and are willing to entertain the possibility that we may not know what we think we know. In this gap of not knowing, in the suspension of any conclusion, a whole other element of life and reality can rush in."

Am I getting the message now?

Because, if I am not fully grasping the importance of what is being disclosed, Pema Chodron's newsletter arrives, with this little nugget of wisdom, titled, "Open Up to Life as It Is":

"When you open yourself to the continually changing, impermanent, dying nature of your being and of reality, you increase your capacity to love and care about other people and your capacity to not be afraid. You're able to keep your eyes open, your heart open, and your mind open. And you notice when you get caught up in prejudice, bias, and aggression. You develop an enthusiasm for no longer watering those negative seeds, from now until the day you die. And you begin to think of your life as offering endless opportunities to start doing things differently."

Did I get it yet? No? Because, here's one more message, arriving through a friend on Facebook, who sends me a link to a retreat being offered by Adyashanti, titled - are you ready for this one? "Fierce Grace!" And Adya says,

"There are many fierce moments in any one life span: times of turmoil, upheaval, challenge, and change. These fierce moments of grace are in many ways the most spiritually important moments of our lives, because they call to us to awaken from our old patterns of conditioned existence and embrace the insecurity of living life from a place beyond our habitual fears and conditioned responses.

Life calls each one of us to find a way, both personally and collectively, to allow life's fierce grace to open our hearts and minds to a new state of consciousness from which to act and relate to the world within us."

Someone definitely has my number somewhere. I've not only received an accurate description of my life's current situation - one characterized by transition and endings - that have not begun to yield into new beginnings. These messages tell me in a very simple manner, what to do and how to handle everything I am facing - situations, changes, and challenges...

Messages come in many ways - in unexpected places - from all sorts of connections - if we have the eyes to see - and ears to hear...

And as I quoted Adya recently:

"Let go. And then, let go of letting go."

And so, it is...What other choice is there?

Awakening

2011-05-24T12:08:00.000-07:00

The last few days, I've been marinating various ideas and insights that have emerged from my reading of Emptiness Dancing, by Adyashanti, who is a very amazing, and contemporary spiritual teacher.

As often happens, a particular book falls in my lap at precisely the right moment - not one too soon or too late...

I had previously stumbled across interviews in several publications over the years with Adyashanti, who is known as "Adya" to his devoted followers. But, I had never felt particularly drawn to him in any way. However, because of the illuminating experiences of a dear friend who has attended many retreats and "satsangs" with him, I was finally led to explore his writings and recordings on my own.

The book I am reading, addresses the process of awakening, which is essential to the spiritual life, in a manner that is very accessible. I will share some brief excerpts from Adya's wisdom, in hopes that it might "awaken" some small insight within you, or might even awaken you to your true nature in a more profound manner. Whatever your experience, I wholeheartedly suggest you give Adya's works a consideration of your time:

"Wake up! You are the divine emptiness, the infinite nothing...

Awakening is the end of seeking; the end of the seeker, but it is the beginning of a life lived in your true nature...

...Are you a conscious expression of the One?

Trying to hold on to your identities...is like trying to shove a camel through the eye of a needle...

'Who am I...?' without any script or role, without the story about who you are... Truth is who you are without your story or script, right now...

Awakening is to have no script, to know that...a script is just a script...

What is born in awakening is a love of what is - of everything that is...

When the awakening is very deep, we no longer operate from a place of the personal self... Awakening reveals that there is no personal self...and that everything is myself.

If you want to wake up, you need to hang around awakened beings..."

Yes, there is so much more I would like to share here. I am hardly halfway through the book, and this is just one page of quotes that I typed out for myself to review and further reflect on! Perhaps another entry may follow...

Surrendering

2011-05-20T09:34:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, in the midst of life's busyness, I nearly stopped in my tracks when I read this post by Marianne Williamson...

"Don't try to get your life together and then surrender it to God.
Surrender your life now and that's when it comes together!
Is there a part of your life you're holding onto,
thinking you can best run it yourself?
Simply think about it in your heart and surrender it to God.
This movement in your spirit will make all the difference."

It seemed so simple. Surrender. Do not resist. Surrender your need to have things be a certain way. Surrender your need to be in control. Surrender your wants. Surrender your desires. Surrender your goals. Surrender the outcomes. Surrender even your needs...

Byron Katie, in "The Work", speaks of loving what we have, and accepting what is, as being essential to our awakening, and our spiritual evolution and growth.

The Bhagavad Gita teaches, that we are only entitled to our actions, but never to the fruit of our actions, for those belong only to God. So, we should act in accordance to Divine Will, with no regard for our benefit, and without any sense of expectation. Neither should we seek attention, or recompense in any way...

I thought of true enlightened spiritual teachers, such as Mother Meera, who shine their light, giving darshan, without any monetary exchange or transaction occurring for that sharing. Their work is pure gift of the Divine to us. It is an act of surrendering to the Divine in every way...

In Reiki, my teacher Frans Stiene, always instructs that as practitioners, we should ask that our clients receive what is most needed in a treatment. We should ask those who come to us - to ask this of themselves, and as practitioners, we too, should ask this for ourselves as well...

I thought of the meaning of surrender again this morning, as I went down to survey the Potomac River, that is flooded all the way up to the parking lot by the boat ramp, and nearly to where the park benches are. I watched strong currents swiftly carry a huge tree trunk downstream, and reflected on the extensive damage the swollen Mississippi River has caused across several states in a way that has not been seen in generations. So many people have lost everything. And they can do nothing else but surrender...

It all comes down to surrender...

Surrender is a practice that unveils the true meaning of life and the heart of the Divine...

And so, I was moved to surrender everything in meditation as an added practice. Instead of asking for specific things for myself and loved ones during prayer, I chose to lay it all at the feet of the Beloved, and simply surrender it. May each and everyone be given what they most need in this moment, and all moments, according to their capacities. After all, who am I to ascertain what is best for anyone and ask for that?

To surrender...It is so simple, and yet so hard...

To surrender our desires, inclinations - all that we have been asking and praying for...To surrender our attachments to everything and everyone, and ultimately, even to our own ego...

Why should we do this?

Because...

"In the end you reach a state of non-grasping,
of joyful non-attachment,
of inner ease and freedom -
yet so wonderfully real."
~ Nisargadatta

"You will receive everything you need
when you stop asking
for what you do not need."
~ Sri Maharaj

Surrender...It is essential to the path of Spirit. It is required to know and embody only Oneness and Union with the Divine. It is the price. And it is the treasure. It is the Way. There is no other...

Simply surrender...Again, and again, and again...

The Path of Love

2011-05-17T18:07:00.000-07:00

I had both the pleasure and honor to meet, and be able to speak to Sally Kempton, a respected meditation teacher, this past weekend, during a workshop she gave at Willow Street Yoga Center. If I had to summarize the workshop, I would simply say that it was about "Bhakti," the path of love - and deepening our relationship to the Divine...

Today, I finished transcribing and typing nearly 33 pages of notes, and as I often do, I research or review references made, and include them in my notes. Anyone who knows me, knows that I am the "official" scribe for my local yoga community, and my notes usually circumnavigate the world. Or, so I often find out!

As I reviewed my notes, and quotations from the workshop, I could not help but see, that truly, everything that matters, circles and comes back to love.

Why are we here?

We are here for love...

What are we to do?

We are here to love...

And really, what else is there?

In the 14th century, Julian of Norwich, an English mystic, had a series of visions, revelations - or "showings" as she described them. For a long time she pondered the meaning of these visions that she believed were granted to her by God. Over the course of fifteen years of reflecting on those showings, she was finally given an insight as to why she received them, and so she recorded, very simply:

"Know it well. Love was his meaning.
Who showed it to you? Love.
What did he show you? Love.
Why did he show it? For love...
You shall never know or understand
any other thing, forever."

That is what I came away with from the weekend. Love. It is truly the only thing that matters. It is the only lesson we need to learn. It is what unites us all...

And so I leave you, with some brief quotations and insights recorded in my notes, to give you a mere taste and sampling of the delicious banquet I feasted on:

"You can find the Divine in your longing."
~ Kabir

"Awakening is a shift in perspective.
And if you shift your perspective,
it can help you awaken."
~ Sally Kempton

"Love is the sea where the intellect drowns."
~Rumi

"On the path of love, we are always beginners.
We never really know the depths of Love."
~ Sally Kempton

"O Lord, lead me to the state of undying awareness -
that is nectar. Lead me from the death of "in-awareness"
and from being "non-present" to the Nectar of Presence."
~ Sally Kempton

"Adore and love God with your whole being,
and He will reveal to you that everything
in the universe is a vessel to be filled to the brim
with wisdom and beauty. Each thing He will show you
is one drop from the boundless river of His
infinite beauty. He will take away the veil that hides
the splendor of each thing that exists, and you
will see that each thing is a hidden treasure
because of its divine fullness."
~ Rumi

And finally, some other delicious quotes by Rumi, I came across in the last couple of days:

"Because of Love, I am a giver of Light."

"Only from the heart, can you touch the sky."

"This Divine Love, beckons us to a world
beyond only lovers can see,
with their eyes of fiery passion."

"Oh, my friend, all that you see of me,
is just a shell, and the rest belongs to love."

"Love rests on no foundation.
It is an endless ocean,
with no beginning or end."

"The way you make love,
is the way God will be with you."

"There is some kiss we want with our whole lives,
the touch of spirit on the body."

If you have the opportunity to study with Sally, either online or in person - do so! Give yourself a treat and nourish your heart and soul!

Gardeners of the Soul

2011-05-14T06:53:00.000-07:00

We are all gardeners. Perhaps not of actual gardens, but certainly of our souls...

We must til the fertile soil within our hearts and plant seeds that will blossom into those traits and characteristics that we want.

There are many ways to do this. Through deep inner work. By reading. And sometimes, by attending a lecture, a workshop, or some kind of training. I am off to do this today. I am looking forward to spending a weekend with the wonderful meditation teacher and practitioner, Sally Kempton, whom I have quoted here so many times.

Last night, I finished reading - Inheriting Paradise: Meditations on Gardening, by Vigen Guroian, and began The Fragrance of God, also by this same author - two exquisite tomes, filled with delicious imagery and beautiful insights.

In Inheriting Paradise, Guroian writes:

"...Everything comes from God and without God's constant nurture, nothing would be and nothing could grow. 'It is not the gardeners with their planting and watering who count,' writes St. Paul, 'but God who makes it grow.' Indeed, we are not only 'fellow workers,' in God's great garden; we ourselves are God's garden (1 Corinthians 3: 7-9). This is the ground of our humility as mere creatures among all other creatures loved by God."

These books are so filled with references from scripture and spiritual writings that are so rich and wonderful, like this one, by St. Simeon the New Theologian:

"...Being God, the Divine Spirit refashions
completely those whom
He receives within Himself.
He makes them completely anew.
He renews them in an amazing manner.

Being immortal, He gives immortality.
Because He is light that never sets,
He transforms all of them into light in whom He
comes down and dwells.
And because He is life, he bestows life to all."

Today, be a gardener of your soul, in any way that you can, because as Gerard Manley Hopkins acknowledged, we are charged with the grandeur of God, and yes:

"The seed is in the ground.
Now may we rest in hope
While darkness does its work."
~ Wendell Berry

For truly,

"God created human beings with the capacity to resonate with the pulse of Divine Life." (Guroian)

Mother's Day Blessing

2011-05-08T07:56:00.001-07:00

I had not intended to make an entry today. After a morning meditation enjoyed to the backdrop of a choir of birds singing very joyously, and after watering my thirsty plants, I settled down to clear out my inbox...

But sometimes, when we least expect it, a gift arrives, from someone we have not met perhaps in the physical realm, but after all, we are all one, and wherever the Presence of God is - which is everywhere - there is no separation. The Dalai Lama has often said, he has never met a stranger.

The following poetic reflection was posted as a comment to my last entry, by a wonderful soul named Lisa. I wanted to make sure everyone had an opportunity to read this, and so I make this entry on this magnificent and beautiful spring morning, here in the Northern Virginia area. The author wrote it to her own mother, and I was moved to share it with my own, and with some dear friends as well. But lest we leave anyone out who might benefit or be touched by these words, I share them here as an "official" entry.

For all of you mothers - who have birthed - or not - for motherhood is expressed in many ways - this is for you. There are children who claim other women as their birth mothers, but whom I feel are just as much mine, in the depths of my heart, as they are to their own. For those of you remembering grandmothers, or aunts, or mentors, or friends today - who have touched your heart with the all embracing and "feminine" power of God - however you envision that to be - this is for you for as well.

Julian of Norwich, the 14th century English mystic and "First English Woman of Letters," once wrote - that "God is as much Mother as God is Father," and she is known for ascribing feminine attributes and particularly maternal ones to the Divine, so it need not be a foreign concept...

From "Lisa"...

At conception
a mother gives her life
to her child
not knowing what will become
offering her nurturing
praying with God
that all will be given
in the time it needs to be given
but never knowing what will become
what of love?
It is limitless

In childhood
a mother gives her time
to her child
not knowing what will become
offering her values
praying with God
that all will be taught
in the time it needs to be taught
but never knowing what will become
what of teaching?
It is limitless

In adolescence
a mother gives her lessons
to her child
not knowing what will become
offering her discipline
praying with God
that all will be disciplined
in the time it needs to be disciplined
but never knowing what will become
what of forgiveness?
It is limitless

In young adulthood
a mother gives her experience
to her child
not knowing what will become
offering her voice
praying with God
that all will be heard
in the time it needs to be heard
but never knowing what will become
what of surrender?
It is limitless

In adulthood
a mother gives her friendship
to her child
not knowing what will become
offering her ear
praying with God
that all will be understood
in the time it needs to be understood
but never knowing what will become
what of devotion?
It is limitless

For sever days God nurtured life...
In the Garden of Eden God taught...
For many years we were disciplined...
God voiced the Ten Commandments...
God gave Her son in a sign of friendship...
And God has given me all my mother gave me.
Love, Teaching, Forgiveness, Surrender and Devotion!

Thanks be to God for bestowing on me my beautiful mother.
May Mother God be blessed on this day!

And may all you readers be as well!