Dancing With Animals and Life Lessons

The animals continue to speak...

Today, it was two ants demanding my attention - one crawling on me down by a river that was swift, turbulent and muddy from the recent rains. The other one followed me to the car, and then promptly hopped on to my steering wheel to follow me home...

An ant symbolizes patience, order, and discipline...

"The ant teaches you how to become the architect of your life.
The greatest success comes with persistence.
The ant shows you how to work with others.

Ask yourself it you are making things harder than they need to be.
Are you being patient with your own and others' efforts?
Using discipline, you can lay a foundation for success."

These are very interesting insights to consider, because during my drive to the river this morning, I reflected on what may be nascent opportunities for me to offer a retreat or workshop on yoga and prayer. I also thought about marketing and self-promotion - and how uncomfortable I am with all of that. And then, the ants made their entrance...

I came home and went on a walk, and encountered a robin. It was not afraid of me. I stopped to watch it for a time, and twice we locked eyes for what seemed to be an eternity. It definitely looked as if it wanted my attention:

Robins symbolize new growth:

"A robin will stimulate new growth in all areas of your life.
Believe in yourself as you move forward.
Obstacles will fall by the wayside if you do and confrontations will be for show only.
This totem gives you the ability to will new growth into your life.
Meditate on robin and the correct path will be revealed to you."

I encountered a cardinal in the very same place I found the robin, just a couple of days ago:

"Cardinals remind us there is always the opportunity to recognize
the importance of our life purpose...

It is a time to listen to the feminine side,
and the aspects of creativity and intuition..."

These are such interesting insights to ponder and contemplate at a time in my life I have considered walking away from teaching yoga altogether.

But then, I am warmed every time I teach my students... I believe they give me more than I could ever hope to offer them... I have met wonderful people because I chose to walk this path...

Yesterday, I subbed for my teacher, which I have the honor of doing every so often. It was one of those teaching moments where I felt incredibly on - teaching from my heart and my power - with gentle authority and eloquence - and the group responded beautifully with radiant and deeply beautiful poses. I worked with the theme of "ahimsa" - one of the yamas - often translated as "nonviolence" - though I chose to reflect on the notion of cultivating greater reverence in our lives. It is times like these that I feel that yoga is not finished with me. Not just yet...

Today, we begin a new month. This year is almost half over, and it has brought climactic change into many lives... I am not quite sure what the remainder of this year will be like, but as I went about my domestic duties this afternoon, I thought to myself that nothing is lost in the sight of God. It is never really about what we do - but how we do it. As Mother Teresa of Calcutta used to say - it is how much love we put in the doing...

So, it never really was about teaching yoga for me - just like it was never about teaching theology or practicing various forms of ministry all those years. It was always about being present, and mindful - and doing everything with love - and hopefully, making a difference.

You Can Do Anything

"I would love to live
Like a river flows,
Carried by the surprise
Of its own unfolding."
~ John O'Donohue

The river was beautiful this morning - calm and peaceful - and it seemed to be the perfect time for doing Lovingkindess meditation and the chanting of the Reiki Precepts - which I did very slowly and reverently - with the cadence of my meditations in perfect sync with the paddling of two kayakers coming back from their sojourn. I also offered other prayers and meditations that I normally only do in my sitting practice. For some reason, my experiences were especially moving this morning. I felt enveloped by the Presence of the Divine in so many ways, and it was both comforting and reassuring...

At some point, I brushed off a spider climbing on my arm. I am not particularly a fan of multi-legged creatures of the insect variety, but I felt compelled to look up its significance when I came back home. And it seems the message of a spider totem is not alike the messages I've received from other animals since this year began:

"A spider totem teaches you balance--
between past and future, physical spirit, male and female.
She is strength and gentleness combined.
She awakens creative sensibilities
and reminds you that the past
is always interwoven with the future.

Spiders are keepers of the primordial alphabet
and can teach you how to write creatively.
Her body is shaped like the number 8 and she has 8 legs,
which is a symbol of infinite possibilities of creation.

Spider's message is that you are an infinite being who will continue
to weave patterns of life and living throughout time.
Do not fail to see the eternal plan of creation.

Those who weave magic with the written word usually have this totem."

When I got into my car - there was a triad of 3's on the odometer which add up to 9 - which is in turn - the sign of completion.

So, in just a few minutes - I am told that I have completed one phase of my life - and it is also revealed that creative ventures lay ahead. These are good things to hear, in the midst of so many changes these last few months.

I have no clue where I am going or what I will be doing next. But I do know I will continue to teach my yoga classes at home - so there will be some continuity in my life. Yesterday, I had a number of drop ins come and visit and it was just a delightful way to start the holiday.

This morning at the river, I gave thanks for all the blessings received in my life. I do believe, that every experience, whether we realize it or not - is a blessing. Someday, I will look back at this time and all its transitions and recognize it as a very important time...

All I need to take one step - even if I cannot yet see the whole staircase...

I went home, listening to Carole King's "You Can Do Anything:"

"Don't you know you can do anything?
You can take anything and make it your own.
Don't you know that you can do anything?
And you don't have to do it alone."

A Quiet Place to Live

Something germinates deep in my soul... At first I feel pushed there by others, but then I "listen" to my inner voice, and decide it is time to move on...

I listen to "A Quiet Place to Live" by Carole King, and know that this is all I want. In order to truly be in the space - I want to be in - I must move on and sever a few remaining ties...

"All I want is a quiet place to live
Where I can enjoy the fruits of my labor,
Read the paper and not cry out loud

In my mind I see it crystal clear
Sharing my dreams with the people around me...

And all I want is a quiet place to live
Where I can be free in a world of my making
Instead of taking
What they decide to give
I wouldn't want what they have - no
If I could only find
a quiet place to live..."

I survey the swollen river, which is even more filled this morning, and in my heart of hearts, I know what it is I must do today...

Ten years ago, I left a livelihood and way of being behind, that had defined me for more than 25 years. And now, it is time to the same and to cut all remaining cords...

I look beyond the river itself to that quiet place inside me, beckoning me to step into the healing waters before me, leading to shores unknown. Yes, I know - there is so much that I have now outgrown...

All I want is - to live now - in a world of my making and my choosing - beholden to no one - with only my inner compass to guide me...

I go out to breakfast, on my own, reading my paper, knowing full well what I must do and what will come next...

I come home, and do what I must do - quietly, without fanfare - for it is truly no one's business but my own, and I feel even more free than I have these last couple of weeks...

And a voice reaches me from another corner of cyberspace at the right moment in time - a sign of deep connections to be made. In truth, the second or third one that I have made this week...

Who knows what the future will truly bring now? Does it matter? Not really - as long as I have a quiet place to live - to be - to love - to shine - and bring forth the fruits of my practice and life - and as long as I can be free in a world of my making!

Meet Me On the Highway

I am thoroughly enjoying reading Carole King's memoir of her life, most appropriately titled, "A Natural Woman." In a very poignant, crucial and surprising part of the book, she wakes up in the middle of the night to ask herself the question:

"Who am I?"

This is a question we all ask ourselves at some point or another, perhaps even repeatedly at various junctures of our lives. Who am I - REALLY?

Recently, I've noticed that the things that were once important in my life, are no longer so. I've let go of so many preconceived notions, desires, aspirations, and even possessions. I believe the fruit of meditation and prayer have soften the edges to many jagged corners in my life, and helped me release other aspects. The longer we practice, the more we are able to notice a shift in our perspective.

One of the things that has been very important to me, is the connection that is experienced in community. I have written a lot about it this year, and most especially in light of the all the events that have shattered my yoga community.

I don't know if it was the energy of the planetary alignments this weekend, but something shifted deeply within me. I let go of this need I have had for community...

I let go of of my need to be connected, to be seen, to be valued, and to be respected and needed... I let go of any need to be part of something that gathers in any way, shape, or form. That is not to say I might not choose to do so on occasion - I just don't feel the pull or need that I once did.

Like Carole King, I want to sing: "Meet me on the highway - meet me on the road..." There will always be a handful of people in my life that will always help me carry my load - and I will help them - and that will be enough. What I no longer need is a huge group of people - most of whom I really don't know - to support this process.

And so, I asked myself - what is community? Why did I have such a need to belong to one? I delved very deeply inside, and one more rediscovered, that everything I needed and sought in community was already inside...

I no longer crave to belong to any one group, or to prove myself to anyone. I am who I am - and I am always good enough just as I am!

I've spent years studying yoga and healing - thousands of hours and even more thousands of dollars later. I no longer need to do that. After 15 years of teaching yoga, I have studied plenty, and can continue to do so and evolve on my own. I am no longer dependent on anyone for more... There is a vast wealth and reservoir of knowledge and intuition already at my disposal...

This morning, as I surveyed the broad expanse of the river, swollen by the recent rains - I felt a sense of freedom that had eluded me for years. It was like recapturing the essence of who I am and stepping more firmly into my power...

Recently, I have let go of my memberships in associations, organizations, and groups - and will continue to simplify and streamline where my attention and resources go... It was never about belonging to any of these things anyway. It was always about the journey...

I read this quote this morning, and it seemed to exemplify where I presently find myself:

"There comes a day
when you realize
that turning the page
is the best feeling in the world.
You realize there is
so much more to life,
than the page you were stuck on."

And that was it. All I needed to hear. For the last years I have been stuck on one page - in someone elses' script. I simply turned the page...

I turn the page and step into a new life of my own choosing. I neither work nor seek the approval of no one. I know who I am and I will continue to listen to my heart and go where it leads me. In my own time...

If this sounds right to you, meet me on the highway, and we'll carry each others' load!

An Incredible Lightness of Being

On a day of major planetary alignments and a watershed moment in my yoga community, I step into the sunlight with an incredible lightness of being...

It feels like I am seventeen again - open to possibilities I could not have dreamed of...

On this incredible day, the West Coast will witness the rare event of a Ring of Fire Eclipse...

On this unbelievable day - the Earth, the Moon, and the - Sun align with the Central Sun in the middle of the Galaxy and with the Pleiades...

On this significant day, Saturn and Venus are both in retrograde...

All of these events portend momentous change in our journey towards ascension and transformation - the details of which are much too many to list here. How interesting that this occurs as we near the completion of the first half of this year...

The changes can be abrupt and brutal - and there is a sense of no turning back...

I have no plan for the future - and I do not know what comes next in my playbook, but I am ready... Life has been a long, slow, and difficult journey to this moment, and I know that it is time...

It is a time to let go...
It is a time to surrender...
It is a time to love more deeply...
It is a time to simplify...
It is a time to connect with our true HOME...
It is a time to throw open the windows...
It is a time when the veil between the worlds thins, and make so many things possible...
It is a time to connect to our Essence...
It is a time to only mirror the Divine...
It is a time for embodying only what is REAL...
It is a time to step into our power...
It is a time to transform...
It is a time to heal...
It is a time to step into the light,
with an incredible lightness of being!
The time is NOW!

A Season of Change

The first six months of this year have been nothing more and nothing less than a sea of change for me and a legion of other souls...

This morning, the river was calm, if not slightly swollen from the recent rains. I did my practices, and watched a kayaker launch into the river, and another man play with his yellow lab. The dog romped about and splashed in and out of the river, occasionally swimming in to retrieve twigs at various times.

It was one of those breathtaking beautiful mornings where I enjoyed a cup of Lavazza, an Italian espresso, that had been shipped to me from Greece earlier this week. Isn't it amazing that we live in a world where we find what we want online - and someone will send it to you from another corner of the world? I had been in search of Lavazza coffee pods for my Seneo machine, which seems to have become obsolete. It delivers a cup of espresso with a taste and crema only experienced in Europe. But I digress!

As I did my Reiki and Lovingkindness meditations, I reflected on the events of the last week in my life, and the last six months as well.

Those of you that have read my posts this year, know about the turmoil experienced in my yoga community. Yesterday, things seemed to come to a head somewhat, and also seemed to confirm what many already knew - nothing would really change - and nothing would ever be the same...

Some changes in our life come about because we choose them. Others - are imposed upon us. Yet, how we deal with those changes are entirely up to us.

The events in my yoga community were the catalyst for many changes - unwanted for many. These changes affected livelihoods, fractured a global community, and ended relationships. Many of these were out of our immediate control. But again, what we chose to do with these unsolicited or undesired changes, is something else entirely. And those choices were as varied as the people themselves...

One of the things I have realized through all of this experience is that you cannot depend on others for the things that should be important. We have within us, an infinite ability to become, to do, and to make a difference. We have within us, an infinite capacity to transcend, to love, and to be compassionate...

As I have navigated through this sea of change, I have felt drawn to journey more deeply within. I have moved away from the practice and teaching of asana as something central in my life - to more meditative practices. I have been drawn to greater simplicity by letting go of many material possessions and lightening my load and footprint. I have spent less time online, and more time reading books the old fashioned way. I have chosen to withdraw from the drama of the events as well...

This was a week of other changes for me. A wake up call following lab results made me realize I needed to make changes immediately in my lifestyle to reverse certain trends. My own health concerns led to let go of a beloved teaching opportunity and its long commute to simplify my life.

At this point, I cannot say what the future will hold. I just know it is evolving to be very different than what I had initially anticipated for the year...

A couple of days ago, I wrote to a dear soul companion, that I felt my two greatest lessons right now were acceptance and surrender. And these are not not easy lessons at all! But now is the time to learn what I must. There is no other moment...

I end this, with some quotes on trusting that appeared in my inbox this morning, and which seem so appropriate for me at this juncture in my life:

"I never know what the next lesson is going to be, because we're not supposed to know' we're supposed to trust ourselves to discover it."
~ Melody Beattie

"I trust so much in the power of the heart and the soul; I know that the answer to what we need to do next is in our own hearts. all we have to do is listen, then take that one step further and trust what we hear. We will be taught what we need to learn."
~ Melody Beattie

"Ultimately, we must learn to trust ourselves. When we do this intimately and intelligently, the world opens full of meaning before us. We find that we ourselves are the doorway to a fathomless understanding of the source of life itself. We need only to learn to walk through it."
~ James Thornton

Take a Prayer Break!

Today is National Day of Prayer, and a wonderful opportunity to take some time to say a prayer, or spend a few moments in meditation...

I began my day, by doing a few meditations by the river after arising this morning, followed by sitting for an hour, for an exquisite session, filled and blessed by many insights, cascading all around me. It occurred to me, that I was "tuning" into the vibrations of many others joined in prayer today, and connected to saints and angels in the celestial realms.

I have chosen to share a few brief prayers here from Paramahansa Yogananda for your own reflections. All of the quotes are by one of my favorite of his books, Where There is Light, published by the Self-Realization Fellowship, in Los Angeles, CA, All rights reserved.

Enjoy!

"O Divine Teacher, let me realize that though the gloom of my ignorance be age-old, with the dawn of Thy light the darkness will vanish as though it had never been."

"Bless me, that I may find Thee in the temple of each thought and activity. Finding Thee within, I will find Thee without, in all people, and in all conditions."

"Dear Father, whatever conditions confront me, I know that they represent the next step in my unfoldment. I will welcome all tests because I know that within me is the intelligence to understand and the power to overcome."

"Divine Father, this is my prayer: I care not what I permanently possess, but give me the power to acquire at will whatever I daily need."

May your day be filled with prayers and you be blessed with the fruits of those prayers!

Living Our Yoga and the Four Agreements

What does it mean to live our yoga?

The word yoga means union - of body, mind, and spirit. And perhaps no one lives her yoga - that is - walks the walk and the talk - as much as Desiree Rumbaugh.

I've had the pleasure to study with Desiree every year since since 1999. And every year, I come away with an insight that enriches my practice, but most importantly my life - for the rest of the year and beyond that.

Last night, Desiree began our practice by sharing her insights on The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom by Don Miguel Ruiz. She came upon the book during a particularly trying time in her life, and decided she would work on them.

While we sat in a circle, Desiree reminded us that yoga is more than what we do on the mat. It is ultimately, a way of life.

Our yoga must be evident in the way we talk - and how we treat others - even in how and what we write. In a world of emails and instant communication, this gave me pause for thought, most especially against the back drop of what has happened in my yoga community in recent months.

Des also noted, that when we open in our bodies - there is cooperation between the body and the mind - but that we must take this further - so that this opening is experienced in our relationship with others. That is true yoga.

She then shared the Four Agreements and a few insights with each of them, that I will attempt to summarize here.

The First Agreement is:
Be impeccable with your words.

What does this mean and what does it imply? It means to speak with integrity and to say only what you mean. But most importantly it demands of us to use the power of our words for truth and love...

Wow!

I think if I could truly work towards just this one thing - it could transform everything in my life!

Furthermore, Des reminded us - that if we have compassion, our yoga is working. Instead of being vengeful, we can choose to be another way. We don't have to make other people wrong, in order for us to feel right. The practice of yoga helps us to shift our perspective...

The Second Agreement is:
Don't take anything personally.

Nothing others do is because of you - it's s projection of their own reality - and not yours. When you are mindful of this - you don't suffer.

Des quoted Byron Katie who often says - what others think of me - is none of my business.

The Third Agreement is:
Don't make assumptions.

Find the courage to ask the questions you really want to ask. With this one agreement, we have the ability to transform our lives. And, we should remember, that in the end, what goes around comes around...

The Fourth Agreement is:
Always do your best.

What we do - can change from moment to moment. We should remember to walk a mile in another's shoe before we judge them.

Des also reminded us to feel stronger in the inside - and softer on the outside in our practice. And of course, as with everything, this should translate into our lives. If we do this - we will be able to take on what life throws at us, and let it roll off of our backs.

That is not to say that this will be easy - but only that we have the skills to live our yoga - and to become the best possible human beings that we can be.

We creatively moved into a deep and delicious practice of hip openers afterwards, and I felt better than I had in years.

Just this week, I had been contemplating quitting yoga altogether - practicing, teaching - all of it. That's how upset I have been by what I am witnessing all around me.

What I learned tonight is, yoga is not finished with me yet. And it took an angel like Desiree - truly a safe harbor - to make me realize that!